When You Think You're Alone
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Shadow video taped some of her friends' abnormal behaviors and shows them to everyone else, and then they want REVENGE.
1. Home Videos

NARRATOR: *in a creepy voice* On the outskirts of town, a horrible house sits... Surrounded by trees and fire-blackened ground... Inside, two of the most horrible creatures you'll ever find are sitting... Demonic, evil creatures that would make even the bravest of brave people wet themselves... Two demons, plotting to take over the world and destroy all government... Let the criminals take over the world, they say... No law enforcement... No police... Death and horror and rape and kidnapping everywhere you go... That's what these two have planned for the world... And  
  
HIEI: SHUT UP, ALREADY!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!  
  
NARRATOR: Shoot. *sulks away*  
  
SHADOW: We're not planning any of that crap, you retard. You're giving major false impressions.  
  
HIEI: Too late. *points out the window. 100 cop cars are parked and about 250 men with guns and tear gas bombs and nerve gas and smoke bombs are surrounding the house. A SWAT team is heading toward the roof*  
  
SHADOW: Hey!!! We can't-- Ahh!!! We'll deal with this. You just keep reading the story...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ LET US BEGIN!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHAPITER WON  
  
Home Videos  
  
*Shadow, Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara are all gathered in Shadow's living room. Yusuke and Kuwabara are on the floor laughing so hard they're turning blue. Kurama is standing there with a sweatdrop, while Shadow has an evil grin on her face*  
  
HIEI: *walks into the living room* What's so funny?  
  
*everybody looks at Hiei, completely straight-faced, then they all four just explode with laughter*  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: Remember this, Hiei? *hits play on the VCR*  
  
~*~On the tape~*~  
  
*Hiei is chugging a whole 2 liter bottle of Mello Yello**the screen goes to fuzz, but a second later, it shows Hiei again. He's standing in a hallway. Kurama is behind him. The ring of the Dark Tournament is partly visible outside. Hiei has no shirt on (is that unusual?)*  
  
HIEI: *singing* I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy- -  
  
KURAMA: *sweatdrop* Hiei?  
  
HIEI: *starts doing the moonwalk*  
  
KURAMA: *another sweatdrop* Hiei?  
  
HIEI: DO DA WOOOORRRRMM!!! *starts doing the worm*  
  
KURAMA: Um... Hiei...?  
  
HIEI: *pulls out a bottle of hair gel, turns his back for a second, and when he turns back around, his hair is styled like Elvis Presley* Hello... ah... My name's Elvis. *starts doing some horrible Elvis Presely imitation, singing some song that isn't even by Elvis*  
  
KURAMA: Hiei. Elvis Presley didn't sing that.  
  
HIEI: Huh? Oh well!! *starts break dancing*  
  
KURAMA: Oh god...  
  
HIEI: DISCO, BABY!!! *starts doing disco*  
  
KURAMA: O_O  
  
HIEI: *makes up his own rap song and the motions to go with it* Oh, I am a rapper, and my name is really gay, like, yeah, and I have nearly-naked women in all my music videos, uh-huh.  
  
KURAMA: *looks up. He sees the camera and his eyes bug* Hiei!!!  
  
HIEI: I am... MICHAEL JACKSON!!! *strikes a pose* I LOOK LIKE A GIRL AND I DON'T HAVE BARELY ANY NOSE!!! *starts dancing like Michael Jackson*  
  
KURAMA: HIEI!!!  
  
HIEI: *does a split* HOLY-- OUCH!!! ... I'm stuck.  
  
KURAMA: *drowns in sweatdrops and falls over*  
  
HIEI: Help? Ouchie...  
  
KURAMA: Hiei? *points at camera*  
  
HIEI: Huh? *looks up* HOLY FUDGE!!! *tries to get up but is stuck in an extremely painful-looking split position* OWIE!!!  
  
KURAMA: *helps Hiei up* Baka fire youkai...  
  
HIEI: Hey, you watch it, fox boy! Owie... My poor-- *glares at camera* BUZZ OFF, LITTLE GIRL!!!  
  
*laughter from behind the camera as the screen fades out*  
  
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~  
  
HIEI: *blushing madly* I should kill you, Shadow, I really should.  
  
SHADOW: ^_^ You wouldn't do that! You're too nice! *puts her arm around Hiei's shoulders*  
  
YUSUKE: Shadow, you have absolutely GOT to make me copies of that!!! I'll sell it on eBay!!! I'll be RICH!!!  
  
HIEI: Over my dead body.  
  
SHADOW: That can be arranged, Hiei.  
  
HIEI: *kicks Shadow in the shin* Moron.  
  
SHADOW: *hopping around* Owie! You stupid little boy! *kicks Hiei*  
  
KURAMA: KIDS, NO FIGHTING!!!  
  
*Shadow and Hiei stop strangling each other. Shadow gets an evil smile on her face*  
  
SHADOW: Muwaha... I just had a good idea.  
  
HIEI: No!  
  
*The tv starts playing again because Shadow forgot to turn it off*  
  
SHADOW: *staring at the TV* Oh yeah, I remember that! I forgot that was on the tape!  
  
HIEI: *stares at the TV* Turn that off!!!  
  
~*~ On the Tape ~*~  
  
*Hiei is sitting on his bed with a guitar on his lap. He's staring at it. A second later, he puts the strap around him and stands up, strumming a few cords. He starts saying some words that kind of go along with his music*  
  
HIEI: Oh, yeah, I am a violent person... I like to kill people... With swords... And make a point of strewing their body parts out all over the place... In a knee-deep ocean of blood... It's killing time... I like to kill... People... Because humanity is so stupid... La la la... Oooh... Blood... Is good... It's red...  
  
*a string on his guitar snaps, flipping back and cutting his arm*  
  
HIEI: Ouch. That was painful. Why do they make strings out of that kind of stuff?  
  
*He replaces the string and starts playing again*  
  
HIEI: Oh, I want to see my reflection, in a puddle of your blood... Ya... Blood... *stops suddenly* Wow. I hope no one is seeing this. They'd laugh at me until I was forced to murder them. Then I'd go to Reikai prison for killing them... And most likely the only people who would see this is Shadow. *He stands up and walks toward the camera.*  
  
*The camera zooms out and you can see that the whole thing was filmed through a tiny hole in Hiei's door. The camera turns and focuses on Shadow's face*  
  
SHADOW: I'm dead. If nobody ever sees me again, I leave this house and everything in it to Hiei, even though he's about to kill me.  
  
HIEI: *from off the camera* Shadow, what in the name of everything good in the world are you doing with a camera OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR?  
  
SHADOW: *focuses the camera on Hiei again* I was filming... uh.. your door... It's... um... very... interesting...?  
  
HIEI: Liar. *snatches the camera and focuses it on Shadow* Look here, people, it's a snoopy little girl. Why don't we kill her?  
  
SHADOW: *looks at the camera* I told you I was dead. *takes off running*  
  
HIEI: SHE'S GETTING AWAY!!! *runs after her*  
  
SHADOW: You'll never catch me!!! Muwahahaha--- oops!!! *trips and falls down the stairs*  
  
HIEI: *looking down the stairs at Shadow* Watch out for that first step, Shadow! It's a doooosie!!!  
  
SHADOW: *lying at the bottom of the stairs* Shut up, retard!!!  
  
HIEI: *looks into the camera. He has a fake horrified look on his face* She just called me a retard!!! Did you hear that?! She's a foul-mouthed little snoop girl!!! *focuses on the bottom of the stairs where Shadow was. She's gone*  
  
FRONT DOOR: Slam!!!  
  
HIEI: *looks at the camera again* She's gettin' away again!!! *grinds down the stair rail like a skateboarder and runs out the front door after her*  
  
SHADOW: Gotcha!!!  
  
*Hiei is tackled and the camera is stolen away from him*  
  
HIEI: Hey!!!  
  
SHADOW: *running and looking into the camera screen so you can see her face and what's behind her (a crazy fire demon)**in a scared voice* Oh my god!!! I can't get away!!! He's chasing me!!! I'll never be safe!!! Tell insert- lover's-name-here that I love him!!! I can't believe I'm going to die this way!!! *starts fake crying* I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD S--- *she's tackled by Hiei again*  
  
HIEI: Ha! Nobody calls me a retard and gets away with it. *focuses on Shadow* This is a very dangerous species... It's a Shadowius Retardedus!  
  
SHADOW: Hey! You watch it, Hiei! *throws a rock*  
  
HIEI: Oooh, we better get some chains for this one!!! She's dangerous!!!  
  
SHADOW: *crosses her arms and glares at Hiei, who has started circling her* Hiei, seriously. Can I have my camera back?  
  
HIEI: Trying to bargain with the enemy, huh? Trying to bribe me, huh?  
  
SHADOW: *sarcastically* Oh, yes, of course. You give me my camera back and I'll give you anything you want from me.  
  
HIEI: I don't appreciate the sarcasm, missy.  
  
SHADOW: *sticks her tongue out* Suck it up.  
  
HIEI: You can't make me.  
  
SHADOW: Fudge.  
  
HIEI: Wha?  
  
SHADOW: Ha! *tackles him, steals the camera, and runs away*  
  
HIEI: Shoot!  
  
*the screen fades out*  
  
~*~ Back in Shadow's living room ~*~  
  
YUSUKE: Is this what you spend your free time doing? I always wondered what you two did while we weren't around...  
  
HIEI: Hey, you better not have meant that the way I took it.  
  
YUSUKE: You were flirting.  
  
HIEI: WHAT?  
  
SHADOW: Was not! He stole my camera!  
  
HIEI: Yeah! She fell down the stairs and called me a retard! And she filmed me in the privacy of my own bedroom. There has to be laws against that.  
  
SHADOW: I think there is, but only if you were... Ahem... naked... and I sell it without your permission. Which you weren't and I didn't and if you had been, nobody would have seen it but me.  
  
YUSUKE: And you'd like it, too!  
  
SHADOW: *kicks Yusuke* Shut up, dork.  
  
YUSUKE: Owie!  
  
KURAMA: That was a very interesting video... O_o *sweatdrop*  
  
KUWABARA: Got any more embarrassing home videos?  
  
SHADOW: *smlies evilly* I think I have one Hiei will like...  
  
HIEI: O_O Dare I ask?  
  
*Shadow puts in another tape*  
  
SHADOW: *whispering to Hiei* This should be good to blackmail Kuwabara with.  
  
HIEI: Really? *smiles evilly* Let's see it!  
  
*Shadow hits play*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ooooooh, "cliffhanger" ending!!! I bet it's so suspenseful!!! You just keep hanging onto that cliff...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SHADOW: Hiei, there's a SWAT team on the roof.  
  
HIEI: Yes, so I've noticed.  
  
*strangled scream of the narrator as he walks outside and is bombarded by nerve gas and tear gas bombs*  
  
COP #1: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!  
  
SHADOW: SO YOU CAN BOMBARD US WITH NERVE GAS? SCREW YOU!!! I THINK WE'LL STAY RIGHT HERE!!!  
  
HIEI: AND KILL YOUR SWAT TEAM!!!  
  
SHADOW: Hiei!!!  
  
COP #2: YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE PERMITTED TO DESTROY THE FABRIC OF OUR PERFECT WORLD!!!  
  
*Shadow rips a piece of fabric in half and catches it on fire*  
  
HIEI: Shadow, he didn't mean fabric literally, you retard.  
  
SHADOW: -_- So?  
  
Right, well, they'll deal with the cops somehow. You just hang onto your cliff and wait for the next chapiter to come along, and hope the cops don't notice you and throw their nerve gas at you...  
  
Read and review, people!!! And yes, I did spell chapter wrong on purpose. 


	2. Blackmail Central

We are... BACK!!!  
  
*Yes, the cops still have Shadow's house surrounded. 8 billion reporters are swarming around outside.*  
  
SHADOW: Muwahahahahahahah. We're dead.  
  
HIEI: Lovely.  
  
SHADOW: Am I of sound mind?  
  
HIEI: HELL NO!!! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA?  
  
SHADOW: I need to write my will.  
  
HIEI: Cute...  
  
SHADOW: *pulls out a piece of paper and writes something*  
  
HIEI: *snatches the paper and reads it* "I, Shadow Jaganshi, no relation to Hiei Jaganshi, and being of sound body at the moment I write this but since you are reading it my body is probably not-so-sound anymore, anyway, I, Shadow Jaganshi, of sound body and no mind, leave everything to Kurama. Because Hiei's with me and we're both gonna die, so obviously I can't leave it to him."  
  
SHADOW: Like it?  
  
HIEI: *sarcastically* Cute, Shadow...  
  
SHADOW: Thankya, thankya.  
  
*there's an explosion and about ten men with guns burst in. Shadow and Hiei stand calmly, smiling evilly as they are surrounded by the SWAT team*  
  
SHADOW: Hiei, do you think the readers should see the violence that will occur here as we maul these poor innocent men?  
  
HIEI: Nah. *looks at you (yes, you. The reader.)* Buzz off. Go read the story that is written blow. Yeah, scroll down. There ya go. Read! Now!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ LET US CONTINUE!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
CHAPITER TOO  
  
Blackmail Central  
  
(Leave all your belongings on the doorstep and get the hell out before you  
  
become the laughingstock of humanity)  
  
SHADOW: As I was saying, this'll probably be great blackmail against Kuwabara.  
  
HIEI: Then hit play already!!!  
  
SHADOW: OKee okee!!! *hits play on the VCR remote*  
  
~*~ On the Tape ~*~  
  
*the camera is focused on Shadow's face*  
  
SHADOW: *whispering* You'll love this. Hiei, I hope you see this someday... *turns the camera and sneaks around a corner*  
  
*Kuwabara is making out with a pillow and making sound effects as if it's a real person*  
  
SHADOW: *still whispering* God, this is great. I love getting this kind of thing on tape.  
  
*in the background*  
  
HIEI: GET LOST!!! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!  
  
KURAMA: Hiei, it's just a cat.  
  
HIEI: It's Kuwabara's cat, and that makes it all ten times worse. Who KNOWS what he's done with that thing!  
  
CAT: Meow.  
  
HIEI: Buzz off, cat!  
  
CAT: Meow.  
  
*back to Kuwabara*  
  
KUWABARA: Mmmmm, yeah, mmmm... *kissing the pillow*  
  
SHADOW: I am soooo burning that pillow after he's done with it.  
  
KUWABARA: Yes! Yes! Mmmmmmmm!!!  
  
SHADOW: Heh heh heh... I love my camera...  
  
KUWABARA: Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  
  
*in the background*  
  
HIEI: Good, that cat's finally gone... Where's Shadow?  
  
KURAMA: Stay away! She's got her camera! I saw her go upstairs with it.  
  
HIEI: Ack. I'll stay down here.  
  
KURAMA: ... What is there horrible noise upstairs?  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
KURAMA: Don't you hear that?  
  
*meanwhile...*  
  
KUWABARA: *still making out with the pillow* I love you!!! *singing horribley off-key* You are so beyootifull... To meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEeeEEEeEEEE!!!  
  
*the window breaks and Kuwabara continues hugging the pillow*  
  
SHADOW: Smooch.  
  
*and...*  
  
KURAMA: Are you sure Shadow doesn't rent rooms to couples upstairs?  
  
HIEI: I would know. My room is upstairs. If there were people having sex up there, I believe I would have known it.  
  
KURAMA: Maybe I'm just hearing things.  
  
HIEI: Genius...  
  
KURAMA: Aren't I though?  
  
*back at Kuwabara and the pillow*  
  
SHADOW: God, how long can somebody make out with a pillow? I don't think two living people ever kssed this long, let alone a retard and a pillow... If he doesn't stop soon, I'll run out of tape and my pillow will be swimming in Kuwa-slobber...  
  
KUWABARA: *stands up, acting like nothing happened, and walks toward the camera.*  
  
SHADOW: *darts away before he notices her and goes downstairs. She finds Hiei and Kurama, playing pool, and starts filming them* If anyone asks, like Kuwabara, I've been down here the whole time.  
  
HIEI: What whole time?  
  
SHADOW: Never mind.  
  
KURAMA: Why are you all out of breath?  
  
*Hiei and Kurama exchange freaked out glances*  
  
SHADOW: YOU SICK BOYS, I WAS DOING NO SUCH THING!!! *grabs a pool stick and hits them both over the head* And I'm out of breath because I just ran down three flights of stairs.  
  
HIEI: I'll take your word for it. Do you have to carry that stupid camera everywhere you go?  
  
KUWABARA: *walks in* Hey guys.  
  
SHADOW: *focuses the camera on Kuwabara* You've got a feather in your hair. Why do you have a feather in your hair? Have you been abusing my pillows? *chokes, then bursts out laughing*  
  
KURAMA: O_o Why is that funny?  
  
HIEI: Beats the heck outta me.  
  
*the screen fades out*  
  
~*~ Welcome back to Shadow's living room!!! Aren't we excited??? ~*~  
  
KUWABARA: OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU FILM THAT?!  
  
HIEI: Shadow, I'll love you forever if you give me cpoies of that tape.  
  
SHADOW: *smlies evilly at Kuwabara*  
  
KUWABARA: Shadow, I'll love you forever if you don't give Hiei copies of that.  
  
KURAMA: I'll love you forever if I get some of the money you get when you sell those.  
  
SHADOW: *looks around at Kurama and Hiei's smirking faces and Kuwabara's freaked out, pleading face**sarcastically* Gee, tough choice. Two cute guys loving me or one really stupid lookin' guy loving me. *hands Hiei a tape* It's alllllll right there.  
  
HIEI: I LOVE YOU!!!  
  
KUWABARA: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!  
  
*Shadow is counting out some money and handing it to Kurama*  
  
KURAMA: I love you too, Shadow.  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
SHADOW: Where's Yusuke? I thought for sure he'd want something too.  
  
KURAMA: He passed out from laughing so much he suffocated about halfway through.  
  
SHADOW: *looks at the floor, where Yuske is laying with a huge smile on his face* Oh. That works.  
  
KUWABARA: I HATE YOU, SHADOW!!! HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!  
  
SHADOW: That's fine with me, Kuwa. Hiei and Kurama love me and that's alllll that matters.  
  
KUWABARA: *really stupid freaked out surprised look on his face* But... but... but...  
  
SHADOW: No, I do not want to see your butt. That is the very LAST thing in this world that I want to see.  
  
KUWABARA: *keeps stuttering while Hiei, Kurama, and Shadow laugh at him* Noo...  
  
HIEI: *smirking* *mocking an answering machine* Blackmail Central. Muwahahahaha!!! Please leave all your money at the doorstep or you will be the laughingstock or humanity.  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: Yes, Kuwabara. I am gonna blackmail you out of house and home and everything else you have. Except your clothes. You can keep them, cuz seeing you naked is something that would cause my suicide.  
  
KUWABARA: Well then! *starts stripping*  
  
HIEI: AAAHHHHHHH!!! *turns around and covers his eyes*  
  
SHADOW: *whips out her camera* You take anything else off and it'll just be more blackmail materials.  
  
KUWABARA: *standing in his underwear* But...  
  
SHADOW: PUT YOUR GOD DAMN CLOTHES ON, UGLY BOY!!! YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF THREE MEN AND ONE GIRL!!! STRIPPING IN FRONT OF THREE MEN, ALTHOUGH ONE MAY BE UNCONSCIOUS, IS A SIGN OF GAYNESS AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN THIS HOUSE!!! GO STRIP OUTSIDE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, IF YOU MUST!!!  
  
KUWABARA: *puts his clothes back on* Fine...  
  
HIEI: Is it safe?  
  
SHADOW: Yeah.  
  
KURAMA: *strangles Kuwabara* Contrary to common belief, Hiei and I are not and never were or will be gay!!! KEEP YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES ON YOUR UGLY BODY!!!  
  
SHADOW/HIEI: Gasp!  
  
SHADOW: Nice, Kurama!  
  
KURAMA: *drops Kuwabara* Keep that in mind, retard.  
  
KUWABARA: *nodding* Okay... *passes out*  
  
SHADOW: God, finally...  
  
HIEI: What DID you do with that pillow he was making out with?  
  
SHADOW: I fed it to his cat.  
  
KURAMA: Seriously?  
  
SHADOW: Yes, I'm serious.  
  
KURAMA/HIEI: *burst out laughing*  
  
HIEI: And it didn't die?  
  
SHADOW: Amazingly, no.  
  
KURAMA: *laughing* That's great!  
  
HIEI: Hey, you got any more embarassing videos? Got any of Kurama?  
  
KURAMA: Hey, there'll be no blackmailing of this fox. You keep your blackmail restricted to Kuwabara.  
  
HIEI: Who said anything about blackmailing you? I just want to laugh at you.  
  
KURAMA: -_- You're sooooo kind.  
  
HIEI: Hey, you laughed at me, why shouldn't I laugh at you?!  
  
KURAMA: You were on a sugar high, Hiei. You were doing the worm. YOU WERE IMITATING ELVIS PRESLEY!!! OF COURSE I LAUGHED AT YOU!!!  
  
HIEI: Key sentence is: "You were on a sugar high, Hiei."  
  
SHADOW: It was still funny.  
  
HIEI: *sulking*  
  
KURAMA: I can't for the life of me think of anything I've ever done that would make a good embarassing video.  
  
SHADOW: Do you sing in the shower?  
  
KURAMA: What? What's that got to do with anything?  
  
SHADOW: Just curious.  
  
KURAMA: Well it's none of your business.  
  
SHADOW: YOU DO, DON'T YOU!!! YOU SING IN THE SHOWER!!! MUWAHAHAHAHHA!!!  
  
KURAMA: *blushing* I do not!!!  
  
SHADOW: How about you, Hiei?  
  
HIEI: I don't sing.  
  
SHADOW: *The Look* Liar.  
  
HIEI: No, I do not sing in the shower, but I sing occasionally when I THINK I'm alone. But you're a little snoop and you seem to have a sixth sense about when people are doing embarassing and out-of-character things.  
  
SHADOW: ^_^ Seems that way, doesn't it.  
  
KURAMA: What has me singing in the shower got to do with anything?  
  
SHADOW: You're the genius. Figure it out. *leans over and whispers something to Hiei*  
  
HIEI: *smirk* Kurama, she is plotting evil things.  
  
KURAMA: Yeah well she better not do anything or I'll kick her butt.  
  
SHADOW: You kick my butt and you give me back all the money I gave you.  
  
KURAMA: But... How fair is that?  
  
SHADOW: I think it's very fair.  
  
KURAMA: *pouts*  
  
HIEI: Well, I'm going upstairs. Unless you've got some other amusing videos.  
  
SHADOW: No.  
  
HIEI: Okay then. I'm going to my room.  
  
SHADOW: Wait, I'll come with you.  
  
*Hiei looks at her funny and she points to Kurama so only Hiei can see*  
  
HIEI: Whatever. *nods and walks upstairs with Shadow right behind him*  
  
SHADOW: Kurama, Stay Right There.  
  
KURAMA: You're planning something, aren't you?!  
  
HIEI: Planning something? No, of course not! We're just gonna go hang out up in my room.  
  
KURAMA: Hiei, you don't let anyone in your room.  
  
HIEI: Except Shadow.  
  
KURAMA: Since when?  
  
SHADOW: Since now. Let's go.  
  
*Shadow and Hiei run up the stairs to Hiei's room*  
  
HIEI: You've never been in my room before, have you?  
  
SHADOW: No, and I'm not sure I want to... *looking at the door nervously. It's plastered with stickers reading things like "Go Away", "No Trespassing", "TAKE A HIKE", "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK", and "Beware of Demon", plus some police caution tape, but one thing stuck out. Right in the middle of the door Hiei had hung a sign that said "NO TRESPASSING. Violaters will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."*  
  
HIEI: Oh, don't you like my signs?  
  
SHADOW: Cute.  
  
HIEI: Ignore them.  
  
*Hiei pushes the door open and they walk into a pitch-black room. He flicks the light switch and three black lights positioned around the room flicker on. There's a large lava lamp in one corner. There's a desk, a bed, a dresser, everything you'd see in a normal bedroom. On the desk are several little evil-looking incense holders with burning incense in them. The whole room smells like ashes and just-blown-out birthday candles. There is one window, which has dark curtains covering it to keep out the light.*  
  
SHADOW: Cute... Looks kinda like somebody lives here who is afraid of sunlight...  
  
HIEI: *glares* What's that supposed to mean?  
  
SHADOW: I like it.  
  
HIEI: Good. Now what were you planning for Kurama, exactly?  
  
SHADOW: He sings in the shower.  
  
HIEI: Yes, so I realized.  
  
SHADOW: We plant little tape recorders in all the bathrooms. Those guys are staying over night, right?  
  
HIEI: As far as I know.  
  
SHADOW: Well, he'll take a shower in the morning and we'll get his singing on tape!  
  
HIEI: Nice... You're so evil.  
  
SHADOW: *smiling really big* I know, it's great!  
  
HIEI: Yes it is. Where's the tape recorders?  
  
SHADOW: In my room. Let's go.  
  
*they run down one flight of stairs to Shadow's room. She has no evil signs on her door. Instead, she has photos plastered all over the door. Hiei looks at them for a second until his eyes stop on one.*  
  
HIEI: Why in the name of everything demented in this world do you have a picture of a roadkill pigeon on your door?!  
  
SHADOW: I haven't got a clue, but it's staying there. *she walks into her room and pulls four tiny tape recorders out of a desk drawer*  
  
HIEI: *still looking at the pictures* Shadow, I insist that you remove this picture at once. *pointing at a picture of himself sleeping*  
  
SHADOW: Why? It's cute.  
  
HIEI: O_O And when did you get a picture of me sleeping?!  
  
SHADOW: You were asleep on the couch after you, Kurama, and Yusuke all stayed up late playing cards and pool. I got one of Kurama on there somewhere too.  
  
HIEI: Why do you have a picture of cheese?  
  
SHADOW: I don't know. Ah! Here is it. *points at a picture* Isn't that cute?  
  
HIEI: *blushes* Where do you get these pictures and how come I never see you around? I'm going to eat your camera.  
  
SHADOW: That's not nice. *the picture she was pointing at is one of Hiei laughing so hard he's crying*  
  
HIEI: Why don't you have any embarassing picture of Kurama tacked up?  
  
SHADOW: I do. *points to one*  
  
HIEI: Why in the name of EVERYTHING GOOD IN THIS WORLD WOULD YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF KURAMA THROWING UP?  
  
SHADOW: Hey, it's just his back, how can you tell he's yacking?  
  
HIEI: He's kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet. When do all these things happen that I'm not aware of?  
  
SHADOW: Then there's always this one...  
  
HIEI: OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE PICUTRES!!!  
  
SHADOW: And this one. It's cute. And that's the time when I had to carry you home because you and Kurama were sparring again... And I always liked this one... And--- *she's cut off as Hiei slaps his hand over her mouth and drags her away*  
  
HIEI: Are we going to plant those recorders or not?  
  
SHADOW: Of course we are.  
  
*~* Half an hour later*~*  
  
HIEI: I'm done.  
  
SHADOW: Me too.  
  
HIEI: Now we just gotta wait for him to take a shower, and hope he forgot about us being in the bathrooms for ten minutes...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oooh, not a cliffhanger ending!!! Good for you! You get to sit on the cliff rather than hang off it!!! Just don't fall off... I don't want to lose any good readers...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*in the back of a cop car*  
  
HIEI: Whatever happened to mauling them?!  
  
SHADOW: It's your fault! You just had to go get in the way of that trigger- happy dude with a machine gun... Oh shit! The second chapter is over already?! You're not supposed to see this!!!  
  
*Hiei and Shadow are in straight jackets in the back of a police car*  
  
HIEI: Shoo!!! *blows at you (yes, you)* Buzz off!!! You just sit around and wait for the next chapter! Don't sit here and watch us being hauled of to some juvenile detention center!!!  
  
DRIVER (aka COP #199): You'll be going to a worse place than that...  
  
SHADOW: SHUT UP, JACKASS!!!  
  
HIEI: Shadow, shut up!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, that looks like something everybody wants to do in their spare time...  
  
HIEI: SHUT UP, DAMN YOU!!!  
  
Right. Read and Review, people!!! 


	3. Excuses

LOOK WHO IT IS AGAIN!!! Yup, it's you. You know, I'm not sick of seeing your face, because in order for me to see you, that means you're reading this wonderful story! Thank you! I hope I keep seeing your [not] ugly face!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: This is uncomfortable. How far are you gonna drive with us like this?  
  
DRIVER (aka COP #199): Down to the institution.  
  
SHADOW: Insti--- You mean the looney bin?!  
  
DRIVER (aka COP #199): Yes, if you want to say it that way.  
  
HIEI: I'M NOT INSANE, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!!  
  
DRIVER (aka COP #199): That's what they all say.  
  
HIEI: *sulking* Well I'm not.  
  
SHADOW: There's that same reader again, Hiei. I swear... READ THE STORY AND DON'T WATCH US SUFFERING IN THE BACK OF A COP CAR WITH STRAIGHT JACKETS!!!  
  
*~*~ FORWARD IS THE GENERAL DIRECTION IN WHICH WE VENTURE!!! ~*~*  
  
CHAPITER FWEE  
  
Excuses  
  
SHADOW: Muwahaha. All the recorders are in place. They're set with motion detectors, so whenever somebody goes in the bathroom, it'll start recording. Hopefully nobody will go during the middle of the night.  
  
HIEI: Yes, right... I'm tired.  
  
SHADOW: It's 11:30 pm.  
  
KURAMA: Why were you guys in the bathrooms for ten minutes?  
  
*Hiei and Shadow exchange guilty glances*  
  
SHADOW: Oh god, sick idea, sick idea, sick idea... MAKE IT GO AWAAAAYYYY!!!  
  
HIEI: *whispers to Kurama* Shadow was consipated.  
  
CROWBAR: WHACK!!!  
  
HIEI: OW!!!  
  
SHADOW: I WAS NOT CONSTIPATED!!! IF I HAD BEEN CONSTIPATED, YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOMEBODY WAS WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z!!!  
  
HIEI: Huh?  
  
SHADOW: *talking very fast* Haven't you ever heard Goku power up? Man, that is a SERIOUS case of constipation there. Then, when they show his opponent powering up, that's when Goku goes into the bathroom and has explosive diarrhea.  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: O_O *sweatdrop*  
  
SHADOW: Didn't you know that?  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: O_O *shake head no*  
  
SHADOW: Well I'm fairly sure that's what happens.  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: O_O *nod*  
  
SHADOW: Good night! *walks away*  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: *sigh of relief*  
  
SHADOW: *peeks back around the door frame* None of you better have explosive diarrhea in my bathrooms, either.  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: O_O *slowly fall over, drowning in sweatdrops*  
  
SHADOW: *cheerfully* Good night!  
  
HIEI & KURAMA: *in unnaturally high-pitched voices* Good night.  
  
HIEI: *once he's sure Shadow is out of earshot* EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA?!  
  
KURAMA: Where does that girl get those ideas?  
  
HIEI: Hecked if I know. I think they just pop into her head and she says them before she can do anything about it.  
  
*at this point, both of them start sounding quite bored*  
  
KURAMA: Great... You know what?  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
KURAMA: When you fell over, you landed on my chest, and it hurt.  
  
HIEI: Really.  
  
KURAMA: Could you get up?  
  
HIEI: I suppose it would be possible, yes.  
  
KURAMA: Will you?  
  
HIEI: Yes I will. *moves and sits on the floor*  
  
KURAMA: Thank you. *sits up*  
  
HIEI: You know what?  
  
KURAMA: No, I don't know anything. What?  
  
HIEI: Shadow has pictures of us tacked up on her bedroom door. On the outside. So people walking in the halls can see.  
  
KURAMA: Really.  
  
HIEI: Yeah. She's also got a picture of a roadkill pigeon.  
  
KURAMA: Great.  
  
HIEI: And a cheese wheel.  
  
KURAMA: That's interesting.  
  
HIEI: Yes it is.  
  
KURAMA: I'm tired.  
  
HIEI: Good night. *gets up and walks away*  
  
KURAMA: Right. *gets up and goes into the guest bedroom on the second floor and falls asleep instantly*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next morning!!! Aren't we HAPPY?! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Hiei and Shadow are sitting at the kitchen table with one of their little tape players and headphones, snickering evilly*  
  
KURAMA: What's so-- Hey! What's on the tape?  
  
SHADOW: O_O Nothing...  
  
HIEI: Nothing you'd care to hear, unless you like to hear something that sounds like somebody scraping their fingernails down a chalk board... *snicker*  
  
*Kurama stares at the two for a minute*  
  
KURAMA: Wait a sec...  
  
HIEI: Uh oh.  
  
KURAMA: YOU LOUSY PEOPLE!!! GOING AND PLANTING THAT THING IN--- OOOOHHH, I SHOULD KILL YOU!!!  
  
SHADOW: RUN!!!  
  
*Hiei and Shadow take off running, being sure to take their tape player with them*  
  
KURAMA: YOU LOUSY PEOPLE!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!! *chases them*  
  
SHADOW: *laughing all the while, she runs upstairs, into her room, and grabs her video camera, darting back out of the room just as Kurama shoots down the hall after her**she focuses the camera on her face* I'm being hunted by a fox boy! I recorded him singing in the shower this morning, and now I'm afraid I will die! In case I do, I leave everything to Hiei! Including this lovely blackmail material. *starts playing the tape*  
  
KURAMA: *turns red* YOU!!! GET BACK HERE!!! *practically flattens Yusuke in the hall*  
  
YUSUKE: WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, FOX BOY!!!  
  
SHADOW: *holding the camera over her shoulder so she can record Kurama as he chases her* I'm gonna die!!! *slides down the railing on the stairs and runs out the door*  
  
DOOR: SLAM!!!  
  
KURAMA: Shut up, stupid door.  
  
LOCK: Click.  
  
KURAMA: You can't lock me in, retard girl! This locks from the inside!!!  
  
LOCK: Un-click.  
  
*Kurama runs outside*  
  
DOOR: SLAM!!!  
  
SHADOW: *focusing the camera on Kurama* HIEI, GET OUT HERE!!!  
  
HIEI: *standing on the roof* Hi, Shadow!  
  
SHADOW: *turns the camera up to Hiei* Hello!  
  
KURAMA: *tackles Shadow and steals the tape player* HA!!!  
  
SHADOW: Jackass!!! Hiei, get him!!!  
  
KURAMA: *runs inside*  
  
DOOR: SLAM!!!  
  
LOCK: Click.  
  
SHADOW: CURSE YOU, FOX BOY!!!  
  
KURAMA: Hang on a second!  
  
SHADOW: *peeks in the window with her camera, still recording* Hey!!!  
  
KURAMA: *rips the tape to pieces and throws it on the floor and stomps on it* Okay! *unlocks the door and opens it* Nobody blackmails me. ^_^  
  
SHADOW: *muttering curses* Stupid fox...  
  
KURAMA: I'm stupid? You thought I wouldn't figure out that there were tape recorders in there.  
  
SHADOW: We weren't going to blackmail you! We... uh... thought you had a nice voice! And we... uh... were gonna make a CD called... uh... something! And sell it! And give you 50% of the profit!  
  
KURAMA: Bull.  
  
SHADOW: Where?  
  
KURAMA: Huh?  
  
SHADOW: Never mind. *turns off her video camera*  
  
KURAMA: Hmm...  
  
HIEI: *walks in the door* What's hmm?  
  
SHADOW: I don't think we want to know.  
  
HIEI: Is Kuwabara still here?  
  
SHADOW: I think. Why?  
  
HIEI: Oh... No reason... *walks away, laughing evilly*  
  
KURAMA: I don't think that's a good thing. You should have lied.  
  
SHADOW: I didn't give a definite answer. I'm not sure he is here.  
  
*from another room*  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
*back with Shadow and Kurama*  
  
KURAMA: He's here.  
  
SHADOW: Obviously, genius.  
  
KURAMA: I wonder what Hiei's doing to him.  
  
SHADOW: Blackmailing him, of course. What else?  
  
KURAMA: Huh. I'm gonna go watch.  
  
SHADOW: Cool. *follows Kurama into the den*  
  
*Kuwabara is sitting on the floor with his cat in his arms. Hiei is standing over him, laughing evilly*  
  
HIEI: Well?  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: Hm. Then I guess there'll be a public showing at your school...  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: Why not? Don't want your little sidekicks to see you making out with a pillow?  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: *evil snicker* *notices Shadow and Kurama* Oh, hi, you two.  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
YUSUKE: *from another room* MAKE THAT LOSER SHUT UP!!!  
  
HIEI: Yeah, you heard him. Shut up, Kuwabara.  
  
KUWABARA: NN--- Hmph? *Shadow stuck Eikichi (the cat) in Kuwabara's mouth*  
  
SHADOW: That's better.  
  
EIKICHI: MEOW!!!  
  
KUWABARA: *spits her out* Shadow, you bitch!  
  
SHADOW: Aaaawwwww, you cussed!!!  
  
KUWABARA: SO?  
  
HIEI: Back to blackmailing...  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: Yes.  
  
KURAMA: What are you trying to get from him?  
  
YUSUKE: *walking by* Hiei wants Shizuru and he's bribing Kuwabara for half an hour alone with her...  
  
HIEI: *throws Eikichi at Yusuke* No I don't and No I'm not!!!  
  
YUSUKE: *dodges the flying cat* You lie!  
  
EIKICHI: MREOW!!! *hits the wall*  
  
KUWABARA: EIKICHI!!!  
  
HIEI: *laughing*  
  
YUSUKE: Oh, sorry Hiei, I forgot! You love Shadow! Not Shizuru!!  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: HEY! *Hiei throws a potted plant at Yusuke, while Shadow...*  
  
CROWBAR: WHACK!!!  
  
YUSUKE: HOLY HELL, GIRL!!! WHERE DO YOU GET THESE THINGS? *gets hit with the potted plant, which happened to be a cactus* HOLY HELLO, HIEI!!!  
  
HIEI: *laughing evilly as Yusuke claws at his face to get the cactus thorns out* You needed it, Yusuke.  
  
YUSUKE: THAT'S DEBATABLE!!!  
  
SHADOW: *nodding* He needed it.  
  
HIEI: HEY! *throws a bucket at Kuwabara, who was trying to sneak away with his cat*  
  
SHADOW: *pulls out her camera*  
  
BUCKET: THUD.  
  
CAMERA: Snap!  
  
KUWABARA: MOMMYYYYY!!!  
  
*Everyone is laughing at Yusuke the cactus face and Kuwabara the bucket head. They run away angrily while Hiei, Shadow, and Kurama just keep laughing*  
  
KURAMA: You never answered me, Hiei.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
KURAMA: About what you were blackmailing Kuwabara for.  
  
HIEI: Nothing. I was just saying that I wanted to eat his cat, and if he didn't let me, then I'd show his whole school the pillow make-out session video.  
  
SHADOW: Nice.  
  
HIEI: Isn't it though?  
  
KURAMA: You wouldn't really eat his cat, would you?  
  
HIEI: No.  
  
KURAMA: Then what were you planning to do with it if he gave it to you?  
  
HIEI: Something equivalent to eating it, I guess. I didn't figure he'd give her to me. I just wanted him to go through the torture of having to decide whether he liked his cat or his pride more.  
  
SHADOW: Good one! *slaps Hiei a high-five*  
  
KURAMA: *sarcastically* You two are too kind.  
  
SHADOW & HIEI: *with identical happy evil smiles and their arms around each others' shoulders* Yes, aren't we?  
  
KURAMA: *grabs Shadow's camera and snaps a picture of the two rotten little blackmailing demons (nice description, huh?)* Ha!  
  
SHADOW: My camera!  
  
KURAMA: *grins evilly* You'll find that I can be just as evil.  
  
SHADOW: GIMME MY CAMERA!!!  
  
KURAMA: How many pictures of me are there in here? Hmmm... I think I'll just steal your camera and get these developed. *starts walking away*  
  
CROWBAR: SHWAM!!!  
  
KURAMA: HOLY HELL, GIRL, WHERE DO YOU KEEP THESE THINGS?  
  
SHADOW: *smiling and nuzzling her camera* Yay!  
  
KURAMA: I hate you sometimes. *he has a big lump on his head*  
  
HIEI: ^_^ Aren't we kind?  
  
KURAMA: -_- I hate you sometimes too, Hiei.  
  
HIEI: ^_^  
  
SHADOW: *snaps a picture of Hiei with his happy smug smile on his face*  
  
HIEI: O_O ... -_- Sometimes I hate you, Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: ^_^ I'm good at making people hate me, it seems. Join the club.  
  
YUSUKE: *at the top of the stairs* Yeah, a Shadow hate club! Good idea!  
  
SHADOW: Grrr... *shoots up the stairs*  
  
CROWBAR: CLONK!!!  
  
YUSUKE: *spaced out* Weehee...  
  
KURAMA: *looking thoughtful* Hmm...  
  
HIEI: There's that "hmm" again, Kurama. WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?  
  
KURAMA: *walking away and still looking thoughtful* Hmm...  
  
HIEI: Are you listening?  
  
KURAMA: Huh-uh. Hmm...  
  
HIEI: YOU STUPID FOX!!!  
  
BASEBALL BAT: CRACK!  
  
KURAMA: O_O Oooowwwwwwwwww...  
  
HIEI: YOU SHOULD LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO YOU!!! WHAT ARE YOU "HMM"ING ABOUT?!  
  
KURAMA: Weeeee... *falls over*  
  
SHADOW: *laughing*  
  
*Hiei turns around to see Shadow with her video camera*  
  
SHADOW: *smiling* Child abuse.  
  
HIEI: Oh, cut me a break, Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: ^_^ I know. Just kidding.  
  
KURAMA: *gets up, rubbing his head* I was "hmm"ing because I was thinking about something that you probably would kill me for thinking!  
  
HIEI: *lightly swinging a baseball bat and tapping his foot* Yes?  
  
KURAMA: *staring at the baseball bat* I was thinking that Yusuke, Kuwabara and I should gang up on you two and get revenge for embarassing us. *runs away*  
  
DOOR: Slam!  
  
HIEI: Curse him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*mocking the DBZ narrator* Oh no! Will Hiei and Shadow be ganged up on? Will they feel what they've been putting their friends through? Will they be blackmailed, embarassed, and threatened? *sounding fakely horrified* OH MY GOD!!! YOU BETTER WAIT TO FIND OUT! TUNE IN NEXT TIME! OOOOOOHHHHH  
  
CROWBAR: SLAM!  
  
Weehhee...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Hiei and Shadow are now in a little white rubber room together, still in straight jackets, and chained to the wall*  
  
HIEI: This is all that stupid narrator's fault. And I can't even kill him for revenge. The cops took care of that. Stupid cops.  
  
SHADOW: Stupid looney bin.  
  
HIEI: Stupid narrator.  
  
SHADOW: Stupid Hiei.  
  
HIEI: What'd I do?  
  
SHADOW: You hired the stupid narrator in the first place!  
  
HIEI: Did not, retard! That was you!  
  
SHADOW: Wait. No, it wasn't. If you didn't hire him, who did?  
  
*twilight zone music plays*  
  
*~* somewhere else *~*  
  
KUWABARA: I wonder how Hiei is dealing with that narrator I hired? 


	4. Questions

WELCOME BACK, OH FAITHFUL READER!!! Hiei and Shadow do not want you to see them, but I'll let you sneak.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: Eep.  
  
MAN IN BLACK: Tell me what you were planning and we'll treat you kindly.  
  
SHADOW: OKay, I'll tell you.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
MAN: That's a good girl... Now, what were you planning?  
  
SHADOW: Okay, first, we were going to lock ourselves in our rooms, okay?  
  
MAN: Uh-huh.  
  
SHADOW: Then we were going to do various things while in our seperate rooms.  
  
MAN: Uh-huh. Like what?  
  
SHADOW: Oh, you know. Normal stuff you'd be doing in that situation.  
  
MAN: Yes?  
  
SHADOW: And after that...  
  
MAN: Yes, yes, continue...  
  
SHADOW: *sounding really fake-happy* We were going to eat dinner, and go to our seperate beds, and sleep! Then we'd wake up in the morning! And probably do the same thing!  
  
MAN: That's bull crap!!! You were planning to destroy the very fabric of our peaceful society. You were planning to destroy the government and let criminals take over.  
  
HIEI: *under his breath* Why is he asking us what we were planning? It sounds like he's already got some idea, and his mind is set.  
  
MAN IN BLACK: WHAT'S THAT, SHORT STUFF?!  
  
HIEI: *glares*  
  
SHADOW: Don't call him short. It gets on his nerves.  
  
HIEI: Shadow?  
  
SHADOW: Hello.  
  
HIEI: *points at you* That stupid person is letting them spy on us again.  
  
SHADOW: *glares* BUZZ OFF!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
They're too kind, are they not? Right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*~*~ FORWARD!!! ONWARD!!! GO!!! THAT WAY!!! YES, THAT WAY. ~*~*  
  
CHAPITER PHOUR  
  
Questions  
  
*several weeks pass without any blackmail or embarassing videos. Hiei never did get ahold of Kuwabara's cat... Oh well. Anyway, a couple weeks after the whole blackmail ordeal, everybody who had suffered seems to have forgotten about it*  
  
SHADOW: *playing pool with Hiei* You know, those three have been rather normal for the past few weeks.  
  
HIEI: So?  
  
SHADOW: Well, I would have figured that after we embarassed them, they would hate us.  
  
HIEI: Oh yeah. That was all YOU, though. I had no part in it.  
  
SHADOW: Bull crap! You told Kuwabara you'd have a public showing of the pillow make-out session video at his school if he didn't let you eat his cat!  
  
HIEI: I didn't want to eat his cat for real! And besides, who was it who got the video? You. Who was it who gave me a copy? You.  
  
SHADOW: You asked for one.  
  
HIEI: Whatever. And it was you're idea to record Kurama singing in the shower.  
  
SHADOW: You helped plant the recorders.  
  
HIEI: Well that one wasn't very successful anyway...  
  
SHADOW: Then you slammed him in the head with a baseball bat.  
  
HIEI: So?  
  
SHADOW: That had to hurt him. So you did have some part in it after all.  
  
HIEI: Nobody did anything to Yusuke.  
  
SHADOW: You threw a cactus at him.  
  
HIEI: Oh yeah.  
  
*Shadow glances up and sees Kurama behind Hiei. He signals her to be quiet and she pulls out her video camera, but keeps on playing pool like nothing happened*  
  
KURAMA: *grabs Hiei by the shoulders and yells in his ear* HELLO, HIEI!!!  
  
HIEI: *screams*  
  
SHADOW: GOT IT!! *holding her video camera and laughing*  
  
HIEI: *turns around and kicks Kurama hard in the shin*  
  
KURAMA: OW!!! *jumping around holding his poor injured leg*  
  
HIEI: DON'T DO THAT!!!  
  
KURAMA: Owie...  
  
HIEI: Serves you right... Stupid fox...  
  
SHADOW: *sets down her camera* So why are you here and why didn't you ring the doorbell?  
  
KURAMA: I did. About 400 times.  
  
SHADOW: *glances at Hiei* Did not.  
  
KURAMA: About 200?  
  
*Shadow and Hiei shake their heads no*  
  
KURAMA: 100?  
  
*No again*  
  
KURAMA: 75? 50? 25? 10?  
  
HIEI: Nope.  
  
KURAMA: Fine! I thought about ringing it, then I knocked once, then I came in.  
  
SHADOW: That's much better. No use in lying, Kurama.  
  
KURAMA: Right, like you never lie?  
  
SHADOW: Of course I don't! Why would an angel like me lie? *gets a halo above her head*  
  
HIEI: You? An angel!? HA!  
  
*The halo gets crooked, but Shadow keeps her innocent smile*  
  
KURAMA: I remember once you told me that Hiei was dead, then he walked around the corner eating donuts.  
  
*the halo gets rusty. Shadow starts looking a little nervous*  
  
HIEI: Or how about the time you said Youko raped you?  
  
KURAMA: WHAT?!  
  
*Shadow gets her innocent smile back on while the halo falls out of the sky and lands on her head and Kurama stands there with steam pouring out of his ears*  
  
KURAMA: Youko did NOT rape you.  
  
SHADOW: I know.  
  
HIEI: Or how about the time you told me that Kuwabara had asked Yukina to marry him. I could have killed you for that!  
  
SHADOW: Okay, so I'm a dirty liar! *grabs the halo off her head and snaps it in half* That doesn't change the fact that Hiei wants to marry me.  
  
HIEI: I DO NOT!  
  
KURAMA: HE DOES NOT!  
  
SHADOW: Oh yeah, that's right. He wants to marry Kurama.  
  
BASEBALL BAT: WHAM!!!  
  
POOL STICK: CRACK!!!  
  
SHADOW: YOU BROKE THE FREAKING STICK, HIEI!!!  
  
HIEI: I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY KURAMA! HE IS THE LAST PESON I WOULD MARRY!  
  
SHADOW: Really? You'd marry Kuwabara before you'd marry Kurama?  
  
HIEI: HECK NO!  
  
SHADOW: Then he's not the last.  
  
HIEI: I'm not getting married at all. Especially not to some male thousand- year-old fox!  
  
KURAMA: And I'm not getting married to some shrimpy little male spikey- haired pyromaniac!  
  
SHADOW: Well now that that's settled...  
  
KURAMA: *sits down and crosses his legs*  
  
SHADOW: I might be wrong, but isn't crossing your legs supposed to be a sign of gayness? *smiling evilly*  
  
CHAIR: CRACK!!!  
  
SHADOW: *holding her head* HOLY HELL, CHILD!!! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!  
  
KURAMA: *holding what's left of the chair he broke over Shadow's head* I'M NOT GAY!!!  
  
SHADOW: *rubbing her head* I was just joking...  
  
KURAMA: Well I don't appreciate it.  
  
SHADOW: Whatever.  
  
HIEI: Seriously, Shadow, I don't think he's gay. I've known him for years.  
  
SHADOW: I WAS JUST JOKING! HOLY HELL, DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GODDARN SERIOUS ALL THE TIME!?  
  
HIEI: O_o  
  
KURAMA: *snorts*  
  
SHADOW: You never answered me, Kurama.  
  
KURAMA: Huh?  
  
SHADOW: Why are you here?  
  
KURAMA: Do I have to have a reason?  
  
SHADOW: You betcha.  
  
KURAMA: Well I wanted to ask if you'd mind if Yusuke, Kuwabara, and I stayed here for a while.  
  
SHADOW: Why? What's wrong with your houses?  
  
KURAMA: O_o Nothing... Is it so wrong to want to get away from home for a while and hang out with our friends?  
  
HIEI: *snorts*  
  
KURAMA: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
HIEI: Kurama, why would you want to get away from home? You're hiding something, that's what it's supposed to mean.  
  
KURAMA: No. Yusuke and Kuwabara suggested it, and I decided that I shouldn't be left out of some big gathering, so I decided to come too.  
  
SHADOW: If it was Yusuke and Kuwabara's idea, why didn't they come to clear it with us? Why send you.  
  
KURAMA: Must you be so damn suspicious?  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: Yes.  
  
KURAMA: I don't know why they sent me, they just did. Got a problem with it? Ask Yusuke.  
  
HIEI: Yusuke isn't here.  
  
KURAMA: Well they'll be here soon, cuz they're staying here with you guys for a while. Yusuke sent me because I said it would be polite to ask before camping out here for a week, so he told me to go ahead and ask if it was so important to me, but he'd come whether it was okay or not, NOW WOULD YOU STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS?  
  
SHADOW: *grins evilly* What's your name? When were you born? How old are you? Why is your hair red and your eyes green? Why did Youko pick your mother of all people to hide in? What if you'd been born a girl? Would Youko have become suicidal or something? And if you had been born a girl, would you love Hiei? What if you had short hair? Or black hair? What if some guy mistook you as a girl and asked you out on a date? Would you say yes? Would you kick him in the balls? That's what I'd do if I were you, but I'm not you, am I? Are you getting annoyed yet? Boy, if I were you, I'd be so annoyed right now that I'd kick me, but since I'm not you, then you won't kick me, right? Have you ever played football? Why don't you join some sports team for your school? You'd kick all their butts and everybody would hate you for it, wouldn't that suck? You're 16, right? Why haven't you gotten a girlfriend yet? How many affairs has Youko had? How old is Youko? Are you mad yet? If you are, why haven't you---  
  
HIEI: SHUT UP ALREADY!!! GOOD GOD, CHILD, YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING BEING ON THE FACE OF EARTH!!! YOU JUST CAN'T SHUT UP, CAN YOU? YOU ARE SOOOO ANNOYING!!! YOU SHOULD BE DRUG OUT IN THE STREET AND RUN OVER BY A MACK TRUCK! REPEATEDLY! UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT OF YOU EXCEPT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE ABLE TO ALMOST FILL UP AN EYEDROPPER!!! YOU JUST KEEP RAMBLING ON AND ON UNTIL SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS, AND I JUST EXPLODE AND RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
SHADOW: *smiling and looking quite proud of herself* I love myself.  
  
KURAMA: O_o Shadow?  
  
SHADOW: *still smiling* Yes?  
  
*Kurama points at Hiei, who is rolling around on the floor with his hands over his ears*  
  
SHADOW: He'll recover. No big deal.  
  
HIEI: *leaps up and strangles the life out of Shadow* DIE!!!  
  
KURAMA: Holy heck. Calm down, Hiei.  
  
DOORBELL: DING DONG!!!  
  
KURAMA: Stop! *trying to pull Hiei's hands off Shadow's throat*  
  
DOORBELL: BUZZ!!!  
  
SHADOW: *hack* Door...  
  
DOORBELL: BEEEP!!!  
  
HIEI: DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! YOU DON'T CARE IF I DIE, SO I'LL KILL YOU!!!  
  
DOORBELL: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
*If you haven't noticed already, nobody is noticing the doorbell, and also, Shadow has an interesting doorbell that makes increasingly more annoying sounds every time it's pushed*  
  
KURAMA: HIEI, STOP STRANGLING YOUR FRIEND! SHE'S YOUR FRIEND! SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU! IF ANYTHING SHE LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND--  
  
SHADOW: *punches Kurama in the face* NO!  
  
KURAMA: OUCH!!!  
  
DOORBELL: QUACK! BZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzz!!! (that was the incredibley annoying sound of a dentist drill) WAAAAAAHHHHHH, weh, weh weh, WEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (a baby crying)  
  
*The baby crying is the most annoying sound to Shadow and Hiei, and if they haven't opened the door by that ring, you have to start getting worried. Well, Yusuke was outside with Kuwabara, and they were getting nothing but annoyed, so they rang it every two seconds*  
  
KURAMA: OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!  
  
*Kurama grabs Hiei's right wrist with one hand, cutting off the circulation to his hand. When that doesn't work, he places his fingers on the artery in Hiei's neck and pushes, cutting off the circulation to his brain. After a second, Hiei falls over, knocking over Kurama and letting go of Shadow, who also falls over*  
  
SHADOW: *in a really tiny voice* Gasp!  
  
DOORBELL: *finally, after about 40 or more tries, it gets to the point where the door is just as annoyed as the people ringing the bell and it screams extremely loud* OPEN THE &*#^ING DOOR ALREADY, YOU DUMB JACKASSES!!!  
  
KURAMA: *laying on the floor with Hiei on top of him and Shadow half on top of Hiei* Oops. Yusuke's here.  
  
*Hiei and Shadow are unconscious from lack of oxygen to the brain*  
  
KURAMA: *pushes Hiei and Shadow off him and stands up, then glances down at them, getting a sudden idea* Oh, perfect!!! *he kneels beside the two, moving them around for a minute until they are just perfect, then he pulls out a camera he'd brought with him (he'd been hoping for an opportunity like this) and snaps a picture, then moves them some and snaps another picture. He does this a couple more times before the Dorrbell finally gets really pissed.*  
  
DOORBELL: WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DUMB PEOPLE? HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF ANSWERING THE DOOR? HOLY HELL! IF YOU TAKE ANY LONGER, I'M GOING TO START MESSING WITH THE ELECTRICITY AND YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO OPEN THE DOOR AGAIN!!! BECAUSE YOU'LL BE DEAD, THAT'S WHY!!!  
  
KURAMA: Oh, shoot. *runs upstairs and pulls open the front door*  
  
YUSUKE: WHAT THE HECK TOOK YOU SO &*#^ING LONG?!  
  
KURAMA: Hiei was mad. He tried to strangle Shadow, and I had to knock him out. They're both unconscious in the basement by the pool table... And I realized it was a perfect opportunity for a couple blackmail pictures... *holds up his camera*  
  
YUSUKE: Yes! *slaps Kurama a high-five*  
  
KURAMA: Come in, guys. While they're unconscious, you guys can make your revenge plans.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Uh oh! What revenge could they be planning? And Kurama, of all people, taking blackmail pictures of his best friends?! This must be serious! Could it be considered a cliffhanger? I guess that depends on what you think! Meanwhile...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: GAH!! I HATE NEEDLES!!! GET IT AWAY!!!  
  
MAN IN WHITE COAT: You need your medication. Mister Oroka said that you and your friend didn't even realize what you had been plotting. You must have something wrong. All we want to do is help.  
  
SHADOW: WE WEREN'T PLOTTING ANYTHING, YA DUMB OLD MAN!!!  
  
HIEI: Yeah, what she said. Now GET THE NEEDLE AWAY FROM ME!!!  
  
MAN: You're friend didn't complain at all.  
  
SHADOW: You didn't even do anything to me. You went straight to Hiei.  
  
HIEI: Really, so of course she didn't complain, ya ass.  
  
MAN: Oh, well I'm sure she'll be a good example for you and show you how a grown-up should act. *walks toward Shadow. Once he's within half a foot of her...*  
  
SHADOW: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
MAN: *covers his ears* THAT'S NOT GROWN UP!!!  
  
SHADOW: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
HIEI: Holy.... God... I had no idea she could be so loud.  
  
SHADOW: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh... Hack. *cough cough* That's better.  
  
HIEI: And the place he was planning to stick that needle wasn't very comforting either...  
  
MAN: You need to be injected. *tackles Shadow*  
  
SHADOW: OH &*#^!  
  
HIEI: Well, chapter four was full of language anyway... Speaking of which... It's over, and you're watching us again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
You're not that good at hiding from him, are you? Well, you just can't seem to stay hidden for more than thrity seconds, so you'll have to wait for the next chapter, when they've forgotten about you, until you can sneak a look again... 


	5. Secrets

Yay! I'm so glad you've gotten this far! Have you enjoyed the story? If so, there's no better way than to REVIEW and tell the author how much you love her work! (Hint hint) So anywho, if you think you can go unnoticed for a minute, let's get a look at Shadow and Hiei in the looney bin...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SHADOW: God, that wasn't fun.  
  
HIEI: At least you didn't get the needle.  
  
*Hiei and Shadow are still in the white rubber room together, no longer chained to the wall or wearing a straight jacket, but they're still locked in the white rubber room. The man in the white coat who had been trying to give them medicine to "help" them is lying in a bloody, bruised heap in one corner*  
  
SHADOW: We need to get out of here. Soon. It's gonna drive me insane. I think institutions are a conspiracy. They bring perfectly sane people here, pump 'em full of drugs, and then the sane person goes from sane to insane in about a week.  
  
HIEI: Shadow, you think everything is a conspiracy.  
  
SHADOW: That's because it is.  
  
HIEI: It's because you're paranoid, but my point is, I agree with you on this one. Sure, there's the occasional person that really is insane, but then there's people like me. I couldn't be insane if I tried.  
  
SHADOW: And I... could... but I'm not.  
  
HIEI: Then there's always that stupid reader. I think those people are stalking us or something. *glares at you then pulls a blind over the window*  
  
*~*~*~*~ FORWARD, MARCH!!! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT!!! ~*~*~*~*  
  
CHAPITER FYVE  
  
Secrets  
  
KURAMA: Come in, guys. While they're unconscious, you can make your revenge plans.  
  
YUSUKE: Before I start anything, I want to see what you did with those two unconscious pyromaniacs.  
  
KURAMA: My god, big words!  
  
YUSUKE: Shut up, Kurama.  
  
KURAMA: Right. Well, they're down by the pool table downstairs, so you can go look if you want. I took about five different pictures of them.  
  
*Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama walk downstairs and find Hiei and Shadow lying on the floor together. Very, very close together. Yusuke smiles evilly*  
  
YUSUKE: Nice. You're so evil, Kurama. Those should make good blackmail pictures.  
  
KUWABARA: I want to handle Hiei. He tried to get me to let him eat Eikichi!  
  
YUSUKE: He threw a cactus at me, but other than that, they didn't do anything much. But I still want to blackmail them. Especially Shadow, cuz she's a little twit. She records EVERYTHING on that camera, and shows it to EVERYONE, and threatens us, and takes pictures of us, and it's just time that she gets treated how she treats us, don't you think?  
  
KUWABARA: YEAH! *slaps Yusuke a high-five*  
  
*Shadow groans. All three instantly turn and look at her thinking she woke up. She rolls over, getting even closer to Hiei, who was already lying on his side next to her, so now they're facing each other so close their noses are almost touching*  
  
KURAMA: Heh. *takes a picture*  
  
YUSUKE: *laughs evilly* Okay, well we better go make some revenge plans. *turns and walks up the stairs*  
  
~*~ About one hour later ~*~  
  
HIEI: *blinks, then opens his eyes* Hnn? *sees Shadow's face only inches from his* What the heck?  
  
SHADOW: *opens her eyes* OH, HECK!! *jumps up so fast she almost falls over again* WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING GETTING THAT CLOSE TO ME?!  
  
HIEI: *jumps up* I WAS UNCONSCIOUS, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!  
  
SHADOW: SO WAS I!!! I JUST NOW WOKE UP!  
  
HIEI: SO DID I!  
  
SHADOW: THEN HOW DID WE END UP SO CLOSE?  
  
*~* In the dining room *~*  
  
*Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama are sitting around the table with pens, paper, and highly-caffinated drinks*  
  
KURAMA: *dryly* Well, those two are awake down there.  
  
YUSUKE: Better not let them see that paper you've been writing on.  
  
KURAMA: I won't. I better go make sure they aren't killing each other.  
  
YUSUKE: Nah. Let 'em.  
  
KURAMA: Okay, whatever. They seem to have quieted down already anyway.  
  
*~* Back in the basement *~*  
  
HIEI: That fox did it!  
  
SHADOW: How do you know?  
  
HIEI: He's the only other one in the house.  
  
SHADOW: *absentmindedly rolling pool balls around the table* Didn't he say Yusuke was gonna be here soon?  
  
HIEI: Oh yeah. *catches one of the pool balls and rolls it back to Shadow*  
  
SHADOW: Well somebody did it, because I strongly doubt that we just fell that way when we passed out. *rolls the ball to Hiei*  
  
HIEI: Come to think of it, I think the doorbell was ringing right before we passed out... *rolls the ball to Shadow*  
  
SHADOW: -_- I wouldn't know. I was too busy TRYING TO BREATHE to notice. *rolls the ball across the table so hard it slams into Hiei's fingers*  
  
HIEI: OW! Hey! That hurt!  
  
SHADOW: So did getting stran-- Hey! I left my camera on!  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: When I taped Kurama scaring you, I must have left it on. *stops it and pulls out the little side screen to watch. Hiei crowds in next to her and they watch everything up until Hiei strangling Shadow*  
  
HIEI: See, I told you the doorbell was ringing while I was strangling you.  
  
SHADOW: Shh! There. We all just passed out.  
  
*they watch as Kurama stands up, looks down at them, then kneels for a minute, out of their view, then stands up and pulls out a camera*  
  
HIEI: It WAS him!  
  
SHADOW: *looking very angry* Stupid fox... He will pay...  
  
*Kurama takes a few more pictures then runs upstairs when the doorbell threatens to kill him. A few minutes later they hear people coming down the stairs and the three talking about blackmail*  
  
HIEI: Shadow, for once, it's a very good thing you like to video tape everything.  
  
SHADOW: Well now we gotta go kick their lousy butts!!! *turns off her camera, sets it down and starts walking away.*  
  
HIEI: Shh! *grabs Shadow's shirt and pulls her back* No. Let them think they're blackmailing us. We'll play along.  
  
SHADOW: What?  
  
HIEI: *quietly* Just act how you always do around them. Don't let them get suspicious.  
  
SHADOW: Why are you whispering?  
  
HIEI: Kurama can hear us if we're too loud, genius.  
  
SHADOW: Oh! Oops.  
  
HIEI: As I was saying, don't let them get suspicious. Just act like you normally do. But one thing. They're trying to blackmail us with pictures of us together. Kurama took pictures of us asleep together. Okay?  
  
SHADOW: Yeah, what's this got to do with anything?  
  
HIEI: Well, they think we'll be embarassed by pictures like that. What we've got to do is act like we don't mind openly being together like... that.  
  
SHADOW: You mean, we have to act like it's normal for us to sleep together?  
  
HIEI: *blushing slightly* Ummmmm... Yeah. If you don't mind that, of course.  
  
SHADOW: Hey, whatever works.  
  
HIEI: Good. But don't just all of a sudden be like that or they'll be suspicious. Understand?  
  
*~* Back in the dining room *~*  
  
YUSUKE: They've been awake down there for at least twenty minutes. Why haven't they come back up? Have you heard anything, Kurama?  
  
KURAMA: No. Maybe they passed out again.  
  
KUWABARA: Well that doesn't make any sense. Maybe they knocked each other out again. They were screaming pretty much when they first woke up, then they just kinda got quiet all of a sudden.  
  
YUSUKE: Well, there's one sure way of finding out. *stands up* I'm gonan go check on them. *walks downstairs while Kurama and Kuwabara sit there looking bored*  
  
*~* In the Basement *~*  
  
HIEI: Someone's coming. Come here. *He grabs Shadow and pulls her over, hands her a pool stick, and sets up the pool table very quickly, hitting the triangle of balls once to send them into a convincing mess* Put your hand here. *He puts her hand on the edge of the table and puts his hand on top of hers*  
  
YUSUKE: Hey, are you guys okay? *walks around the corner to see Shadow standing there with a pool stick in one hand with Hiei beside her.* I'll take that as... a... ye-- *his eyes stop on their hands. Hiei's hand is on Shadow's*  
  
HIEI: Hi, Yusuke. What's up?  
  
YUSUKE: Hi...  
  
SHADOW: Ah! *lines up a shot and hits two pool balls into the pockets, moving her hand from under Hiei's*  
  
YUSUKE: Well, we heard you screaming a while ago, then when you didn't come back up we thought maybe you'd passed out or killed each other or something, but I can see you're more than perfectly fine...  
  
SHADOW: More than perfect?  
  
YUSUKE: What? Nothing! *walks back upstairs*  
  
HIEI: Well that one worked.  
  
SHADOW: Good. Now I bet that if we stay down here, Yusuke'll think we're making out or something...  
  
HIEI: What, because our hands were touching?  
  
SHADOW: You know him. He jumps to conclusions like that. He's a pervert.  
  
HIEI: Yeah, lets go.  
  
*Shadow and Hiei walk upstairs. As soon as they step into the dining room, three pairs of eyes stare at them, following every move they make*  
  
HIEI: *looking nervous* What?  
  
KURAMA: Nothing, Hiei.  
  
HIEI: Somehow I doubt it. But I'll leave you alone, since I'm in a good mood.  
  
*Yusuke and Kuwabara glance at each other with buggy eyes*  
  
YUSUKE: What put you in such a good mood, Hiei? Less than half an hour ago you were unconscious.  
  
HIEI: So? I'm happy.  
  
KUWABARA: What've you been smoking?  
  
HIEI: Nothing, baka!  
  
YUSUKE: *sweatdrop* I don't think Hiei smokes, Kuwabara...  
  
SHADOW: Mmmm. Weeeed!!!  
  
ALL: O_O  
  
SHADOW: *bursts out laughing* Just kidding! I don't do drugs.  
  
HIEI: That's good to hear.  
  
KURAMA: Why do you care so much?  
  
HIEI: What's you peoples' problems? You're acting all freaky-like!  
  
YUSUKE, KUWABARA, AND KURAMA: Nothing!  
  
HIEI: Rrrrright. I think you got some mentality issues that you're not discussing with us.  
  
SHADOW: Leave them alone, Hiei. They're just dysfunctional is all.  
  
HIEI: Hn.  
  
SHADOW: I'm going to bed.  
  
KURAMA: It's four thirty, Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: So? I sleep a lot.  
  
*Yusuke goes into a horrible coughing fit that is obviously covering something up*  
  
HIEI: Perv...  
  
SHADOW: Why are you guys acting like that?  
  
KUWABARA & KURAMA: No reason!  
  
SHADOW: Like I said, they're dysfunctional.  
  
HIEI: Hn. *shrugs and walks away with Shadow right behind him*  
  
KUWABARA: Where're you going, Hiei?  
  
HIEI: Upstairs. Got a problem with it, fool?  
  
*Yusuke starts gagging so hard he falls off his chair*  
  
SHADOW: I swear to God, Yusuke! What is your problem!?  
  
KURAMA: He's got a lot of them. *glances at Yusuke*  
  
*Yusuke is practically having a seizure on the floor beside Kurama*  
  
SHADOW & HIEI: *staring* Yes. Definitely.  
  
SHADOW: So how long are you guys planning on staying here anyway?  
  
KUWABARA: Until we ge-- Mmph?!  
  
KURAMA: *his hand is over Kuwabara's mouth* A week or so. Do you mind?  
  
HIEI: That's fine with us. C'mon. *grabs Shadow and drags her upstairs, ignoring the surprised, buggy-eyed stares of Kuwabara and Yusuke*  
  
YUSUKE: *once Shadow and Hiei are upstairs* Were they acting differently? Did anyone notice?  
  
KUWABARA: I still think you're nuts. Hiei hates everyone. I think you were hallucinating about him holding her hand.  
  
YUSUKE: Kurama, you've known him longer. Is there anything going on there?  
  
KURAMA: I don't think so.  
  
YUSUKE: Good! Then our plans will still work. But they were holding hands, I swear.  
  
KURAMA: We'll have to take your word for it, but I didn't notice anything.  
  
YUSUKE: Shadow says she's going to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon. Hiei goes upstairs at the same time. Use your brain. There is something going on, and I'm gonna find out what it is.  
  
KUWABARA: I still say Hiei can't be involved with her like that.  
  
YUSUKE: Well you're an idiot, Kuwabara.  
  
KURAMA: Well, I'm not going to believe it until I've seen or heard something from them to confirm it.  
  
YUSUKE: Well that's what we've got to do, then! They're keeping secrets from us, and we're going to find out what they are and use them for blackmail. We'll catch them like I did when I went downstairs, and we'll take pictures, or use little tape re...cord... Hey! I just had an idea. We could plant a tape recorder in Shadow's room, and Hiei's room to catch their conversations!  
  
KUWABARA: Yeah, maybe they'll let something slip!  
  
KURAMA: Idiot! If they're in the privacy of their own rooms talking to each other, it's not going to just slip. They won't expect to have bugs planted in their rooms, and they'll speak freely.  
  
KUWABARA: Oh yeah.  
  
YUSUKE: Well we'll have to wait until they're gone for that, but right now, I'm gonna go upstairs and see if I can listen.  
  
KURAMA: They might not be together.  
  
YUSUKE: If there's something going on there, then those two are together. We just have to find the room they're in.  
  
KUWABARA: In this house, that's nearly impossible! There's four floors and like... a lot of rooms!  
  
KURAMA: About forty rooms, genius.  
  
KUWABARA: Oh yeah. Plus the basement.  
  
KURAMA: We know they're not in the basement. They went upstairs.  
  
KUWABARA: Oh yeah.  
  
YUSUKE: Shh! Somebody's coming.  
  
*A second later they glimpse Shadow going into the basement*  
  
KUWABARA: Well we know they're not together right now.  
  
YUSUKE: I wonder what she's doing.  
  
SHADOW: *walks back up, holdng her camera, and notices that all of them are staring at her* What?!  
  
ALL: Nothing!  
  
SHADOW: Right...  
  
KUWABARA: Where's Hiei?  
  
SHADOW: In his room, I think. Why do you care, retard?  
  
KUWABARA: No reason!  
  
SHADOW: O_o Whatever. *walks back upstairs*  
  
YUSUKE: Kuwabara, you idiot! What'd you do that for? She'll get suspicious!  
  
KURAMA: I think they already are suspicious. We're bad actors.  
  
YUSUKE: Well we'll just have to work on that.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, I wasn't sure where to end this chapter, so this is as good a place as any, right? Remember, there's no better way to tell how much you've enjoyed the story than to REVIEW it!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: *loking around* I'm sick of white walls. At least they haven't made me wear white yet...  
  
NURSE: *walks in carrying a pile of clothes* I need you two to change into these, please.  
  
HIEI: *staring at the little pile of clothes she set on the beds* They're white.  
  
NURSE: Yes. Everybody here wears white.  
  
SHADOW: I don't.  
  
HIEI: I don't either.  
  
NURSE: Well you do now.  
  
HIEI: Make me.  
  
NURSE: I will. *holds up a needle*  
  
HIEI: Holy shit!  
  
SHADOW: My thoughts exactly... You know... This place reminds me of a cult. You must do everything the leader says or you'll be pumped full of drugs until you are so loyal that you'd kill yourself if he told you to.  
  
NURSE: Oh, Miss, it's nothing like that! How could you think something like that?!  
  
SHADOW: *rolls eyes* I'm insane, remember? 


	6. Variation on Truth or Dare

It's the sixth chapter already! Glad you've stayed with us!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: *sulking in the corner, wearing his new white clothes* Stupid looney bin.  
  
SHADOW: *sulking in the other corner, also wearing white* Stupid humans.  
  
HIEI: Damn. Why white? *plucks at the white T-shirt*  
  
SHADOW: Hecked if I know.  
  
HIEI: This sucks.  
  
SHADOW: Why white? I mean, preachers and nuns are supposed to be good and pure, but they wear dark colors! Why can't we?  
  
HIEI: Can we mutiny?  
  
SHADOW: Ptht. They'd pump us full of drugs.  
  
HIEI: Shit.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well they're having fun...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ LET US CONTINUE AGAIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
CHAPITER SICKS  
  
Variation on Truth or Dare  
  
*Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara are all gathered outside Shadow's bedroom door, listening. It's completely quiet*  
  
KUWABARA: Are you sure they're both in there?  
  
YUSUKE: Shh! Yes!  
  
KURAMA: Maybe they're asleep. Even I haven't heard anything...  
  
YUSUKE: Keep listening!  
  
*~* In Shadow's room *~*  
  
*Shadow and Hiei are sitting on Shadow's bed reading, completely aware that the other three are gathered outside the door, thanks to Hiei's Jagan*  
  
SHADOW: *glances at the door*  
  
HIEI: *telepathically* Yes, they're still there.  
  
SHADOW: *sighs* Pathetic.  
  
HIEI: *telepathically* I know.  
  
SHADOW: *lays down*  
  
*~* Outside the door *~*  
  
KURAMA: Wait, I thought I heard something.  
  
YUSUKE: What was it?!  
  
KURAMA: Never mind, I think I imagined it. *sighs and leans against the wall* This is boring and it's getting us no where.  
  
YUSUKE: And I suppose you have a better plan?  
  
KURAMA: Why don't we just sit in the hall and play cards or something and see if one or the other even comes out. They might just be in there playing video games or something for all we know.  
  
YUSUKE: Wouldn't we have heard something? I think they're sleeping.  
  
KUWABARA: Together. In Shadow's bed.  
  
KURAMA: I don't know. Spying on my best friend isn't exactly something I enjoy.  
  
YUSUKE: *starts coughing his cover-up cough again*  
  
KURAMA: YUSUKE, YOU PERV! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!  
  
*~* In Shadow's room *~*  
  
HIEI: O_O I can only imagine...  
  
SHADOW: Yeah, no kidding.  
  
*~* In the hall *~*  
  
KURAMA: Well, they know we're here now, might as well give up. *walks away*  
  
KUWABARA: Hey, Kurama, why are you getting like that? A little while ago you were wanting to blackmail them! You were taking pictures and everything! And now you're leaving! *pouts* You just can't keep your priorities straight.  
  
KURAMA: I can too, ya dolt! You probably don't even know what priorities are!  
  
KUWABARA: Yes I do!  
  
KURAMA: And besides, I thought you and your honor code had something against blackmail or spying on your friends.  
  
KUWABARA: No. This is revenge, and I allow that.  
  
KURAMA: O_o Okee Dokee...  
  
YUSUKE: Let him ditch out on us, Kuwabara. Two agaisnt two is fair. He can be neutral, so that when Hiei kills us for blackmail, then Kurama can save our lives.  
  
KUWABARA: He might join up with Hiei.  
  
YUSUKE: I like him neutral better.  
  
KUWABARA: But when somebody is neutral, they're not on either side, so that means they don't help anybody.  
  
YUSUKE: Shoot. Well, he can just go home.  
  
KUWABARA: That's not nice. I think we should try to get him back. He's useful.  
  
YUSUKE: So? We can do this without him!  
  
KUWABARA: But it'd be easier with him here.  
  
*Meanwhile, Shadow has opened her bedroom door and her and Hiei are standing behind Kuwabara and Yusuke while Kurama is standing across the hall, being talked about like he's not even there. Yusuke and Kuwabara don't realize this, of course, until it is pointed out*  
  
HIEI: *clears his throat*  
  
YUSUKE: *glances up* Oh, shit! Oh, um, I mean, Hi, Hiei and Shadow!  
  
KURAMA: *clears his throat*  
  
YUSUKE: And Kurama!  
  
KUWABARA: Oops.  
  
KURAMA: I am neutral now.  
  
SHADOW: *acting clueless* Neutral in what?  
  
KURAMA: The war you four are going to have.  
  
SHADOW: *looks confused* I'll take your word for it, genius fox boy.  
  
KURAMA: That's the best thing you can do. See ya! *turns around and walks into the guest bedroom, which is right across the hall from Shadow's room*  
  
YUSUKE: Well, Kuwabara and I are going to go for a walk, so, uh, see you later!  
  
*Yusuke grabs Kuwabara and runs away*  
  
HIEI: Well. That was interesting.  
  
SHADOW: Hey, now that they don't have the genius with them they won't figure out our plans either.  
  
HIEI: Good point. See you tomorrow. *walks away*  
  
~~*~ A couple days pass. They're all extremely bored, so they gather around the living room to play games or watch movies or something ~*~~  
  
*Shadow is sitting in her "sacred" big fluffy reclining chair, Hiei is standing beside her leaning on the wall, Yusuke and Kuwabara are sitting on the couch, while Kurama is on the floor, absentmindedly spinning a rose between his fingers*  
  
YUSUKE: *dryly* So, guys, what do you all want to do?  
  
SHADOW: Somehting other than this.  
  
KUWABARA: Let's play a game.  
  
YUSUKE: Any suggestions?  
  
HIEI: Pfft. Games are for children.  
  
KUWABARA: Shut up, Hiei! You aren't that old!!!  
  
HIEI: What makes you so sure?  
  
KUWABARA: You sure don't look it.  
  
HIEI: Well I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. Besides, Youko is hundreds of years old. Does he look it?  
  
KUWABARA: I don't know. I never payed that much attention.  
  
SHADOW: Why do you pay more attention to Hiei than Youko?  
  
KUWABARA: I don't know! I've known Hiei longer is all!  
  
SHADOW: Riiight.  
  
YUSUKE: LET'S NOT BE PERVERTS NOW, SHADOW!  
  
SHADOW: LIKE YOU HAVE ROOM TO TALK, MISTER PERVERT!  
  
YUSUKE: I AM NOT A PERVERT!  
  
SHADOW: BULL CRAP!  
  
KURAMA: CHILRDEN!!! HOLY HELL, WOULD YOU NOT START KILLING EACH OTHER?!  
  
SHADOW & YUSUKE: Yes sir!  
  
YUSUKE: Anyway, we were going to play a game, right?  
  
KUWABARA: I know! Let's play Truth or Dare!  
  
*Hiei rolls his eyes*  
  
YUSUKE: OKay! Who is playing?  
  
KUWABARA: I WILL!  
  
YUSUKE: Shut up, retard, of course you are. I am.  
  
SHADOW: I will.  
  
HIEI: I w--  
  
SHADOW: Will.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: You're playing too.  
  
KURAMA: I guess. I have nothing better to do.  
  
YUSUKE: *leans over and whispers in Kuwabara's ear* It's a good thing you picked this game. See, cuz we can dare Shadow and Hiei to do stuff that we could use for blackmail, and we can ask them questions that we could use for blackmail. This is the first thing you've done right in a long time!  
  
KUWABARA: Oh. *looks confused*  
  
KURAMA: I just want to tell you, Yusuke, that I heard that.  
  
YUSUKE: O_O  
  
KURAMA: But I'll shut up.  
  
YUSUKE: Thank you! Okay, who'll go first?  
  
KUWABARA: I WILL!!!  
  
YUSUKE: Okay. Pick someone.  
  
KUWABARA: *looks around the room at Shadow, Hiei, and Kurama, who all look extremely bored or tired. Hiei and Kurama even have their eyes closed.* Truth or dare, Shadow!  
  
SHADOW: Who, me? Uh... truth.  
  
KUWABARA: Hm... Have you ever kissed a boy?  
  
SHADOW: What business is it of yours?  
  
YUSUKE: You gotta answer the question, Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: Curses. Are all the questions gonna be like this?  
  
YUSUKE: I don't know!  
  
SHADOW: Yes.  
  
KUWABARA: AWWW!!! Who was it?!  
  
SHADOW: One question per turn, kid. OKay. Truth or dare... Yusuke.  
  
YUSUKE: Me?! Uh... Dare.  
  
SHADOW: *looks happy-evil* I dare you to... *looks even eviller and whispers something in Yusuke's ear*  
  
YUSUKE: HECK NO!!!  
  
SHADOW: Then you have to forfit something.  
  
YUSUKE: *gets an evil grin* I just had an idea! Ever heard of strip poker?  
  
HIEI: WE ARE NOT PLAYING STRIP POKER.  
  
YUSUKE: No, we're going to play strip truth-or-dare. If you don't answer the question, you lie, or you don't do what somebody dares you, then you shed on piece of clothing.  
  
SHADOW: Now that's not fair to me! You guys can go ahead and strip, but I, being female, must protest.  
  
YUSUKE: Fine, protest, but the easy way out is to answer all the questions.  
  
SHADOW: Excuse me. *shoots upstairs*  
  
YUSUKE: Where's she going?  
  
HIEI: *walks to the closet and grabs his cloak, pulling it on over his clothes* This way, the first piece of clothes I lose won't be my shirt.  
  
KURAMA: *rolls his eyes* That's a first.  
  
HIEI: No it's not. I always wear my cloak during fights.  
  
KURAMA: And you always lose it. Then your shirt. But since it's always back the next day, it seems like you have an endless supply of cloaks and shirts.  
  
HIEI: I do.  
  
KURAMA: O_o  
  
SHADOW: I'm back! *she is now wearing a cloak and a jacket*  
  
HIEI: Wait. Isn't that cloak mine?  
  
SHADOW: *shrugs* It fits.  
  
HIEI: -_-  
  
YUSUKE: Look, they're little twinsies now.  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: *glare*  
  
HIEI: Twinsies is a repulsive word.  
  
YUSUKE: TWINSIES!!!  
  
HIEI: SHADDUP!!!  
  
YUSUKE: TWINSIES!!!  
  
HIEI: SHADDUP!!!  
  
CROWBAR:: CRACK!!!  
  
YUSUKE: *holding his head* HOLY HELL, GIRL!  
  
SHADOW: Now, are you going to do what I dared you or not?  
  
YUSUKE: *pulls off his jacket and drops it on the floor*  
  
SHADOW: Okay then.  
  
YUSUKE: I pick Hiei.  
  
HIEI: Curses.  
  
YUSUKE: Truth or dare, Hiei?  
  
HIEI: Curses.  
  
SHADOW: *kicks him* Pick something!  
  
HIEI: Curses... Uh. Truth.  
  
YUSUKE: Are you gay?  
  
HIEI: HECK NO, YOU SICK PERVERT BOY!!!  
  
YUSUKE: God, okay, okay, but I heard all kinds of stuff from other people...  
  
HIEI: *rolls his eyes* Yes, you would believe them, wouldn't you... Typical.  
  
SHADOW: Yeah, well... Anyway, Hiei, pick somebody.  
  
HIEI: Kuwabara.  
  
KUWABARA: Wat?!  
  
HIEI: Truth or dare, you dolt!  
  
KUWABARA: Uh... Truth?  
  
HIEI: *thinks for a second* What is your IQ? Seriously.  
  
KUWABARA: *thinks* I never got a test, but I think it's somewhere between 90 and 100.  
  
HIEI: Bull-ya!!! Still at least 35 points lower than me!  
  
KUWABARA: Hm. I pick Yusuke.  
  
YUSUKE: Dare.  
  
KUWABARA: I dare you to kiss Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: Hey! Don't I get a choice in this?!  
  
*Yusuke kisses her on the cheek, carefully watching Hiei's reaction*  
  
HIEI: What are you staring at me for, you dolt?  
  
YUSUKE: Oh, I just figured you'd have more of a reaction than that with me kissing her.  
  
HIEI: Why would I?  
  
KUWABARA: Yusuke's turn! No fighting, guys.  
  
YUSUKE: Shadow, truth or dare?  
  
SHADOW: Hmmm... Dare.  
  
YUSUKE: YES! Er... I mean, okay! I dare you... to... Uh... Hmm... Kiss Hiei on the lips.  
  
SHADOW: O_O *glances at Hiei*  
  
HIEI: *shrugs* Your choice.  
  
SHADOW: *jumps up and kisses him really quick*  
  
YUSUKE: Oh, come on, you gotta be more romantic than that!  
  
SHADOW & HIEI: *glaring* Why?  
  
YUSUKE: Oops. No reason. Shadow's turn.  
  
SHADOW: Hm. I pick Kurama.  
  
KURAMA: Wow, so I do exist.  
  
SHADOW: Truth or dare?  
  
KURAMA: Hmm... Dare.  
  
SHADOW: *evil glint in her eye* I want you to make a prank call.  
  
KURAMA: To who?  
  
SHADOW: *thinks for a second* Botan.  
  
KURAMA: Why her?  
  
SHADOW: Because I have her phone number, and I don't have any one else's.  
  
KURAMA: Curses.  
  
SHADOW: *hands Kurama a slip of paper with some numbers written on it* Okay, I saw this prank on a TV show once. *starts explaining the prank to Kurama*  
  
~*~ A few minutes later ~*~  
  
KURAMA: *waiting for Botan to answer* Are you sure--?  
  
SHADOW: Yes, Shut up!  
  
HIEI: *holding the other phone to his ear so he can hear the whole conversation*  
  
BOTAN: Hello?  
  
KURAMA: *starts tapping on the phone* Yes, this is the phone company. We've been having reports of a strange tapping noise on the phone lines.  
  
BOTAN: Oh, dear, well it seems my phone is affected...  
  
KURAMA: Okay, it's rather easy to fix. I'll walk you through it.  
  
BOTAN: You know, you sound familiar...  
  
KURAMA: O_O Well, I'm fairly sure we've never met, miss.  
  
BOTAN: Oh, wait, the tapping is--- Never mind.  
  
KURAMA: *as soon as she said that he had continued tapping* Okay, here's how you fix it. First, take the phone away from your ear.  
  
BOTAN: Okay!  
  
KURAMA: Now take off the covering. I'll wait.  
  
*a few seconds later*  
  
BOTAN: Okay!  
  
KURAMA: Now go get a glass.  
  
BOTAN: Be right back!  
  
*a few seconds later*  
  
BOTAN: Back!  
  
KURAMA: Fill the glass full of water.  
  
BOTAN: *sigh* OKay...  
  
*a few more seconds later*  
  
BOTAN: Okay, I'm back again.  
  
KURAMA: Drink the water.  
  
BOTAN: What has this got to do with fixing my phone?  
  
KURAMA: Everything. Drink the water.  
  
BOTAN: OKay...  
  
KURAMA: *after a second* Did you drink it?  
  
BOTAN: Yes.  
  
KURAMA: Now, put all the parts of the phone in a bag, and after that is done, you need to swing the bag around your head while jumping up and down and making sounds like a chicken.  
  
BOTAN: What?!  
  
KURAMA: I swear, it'll fix the phone.  
  
BOTAN: O_o OKay...  
  
*a second later, incredibly loud chicken sounds are heard on the other line. Everybody in Shadow's living room bursts out laughing*  
  
KURAMA: *stops tapping and waits for her to get the phone out of the bag*  
  
BOTAN: *a few minutes later* Hello?  
  
KURAMA: Is the sound gone?  
  
BOTAN: Yeah, it is!  
  
KURAMA: Is your phone back together? If not, put it together.  
  
*a minute later*  
  
BOTAN: Okay, it's back together.  
  
KURAMA: Good... *puts his hand over the receiver* Shadow, what do I do now?  
  
SHADOW: Nothing. *takes the phone* Botan, have you ever heard of a prank call?  
  
BOTAN: Yes, why?  
  
SHADOW: You were just the victim of a prank call.  
  
BOTAN: What?! Who would be so mean as to do that?!  
  
KURAMA: *snatches the phone back* It was a dare, Botan. I'm innocent!!!  
  
BOTAN: Kurama! Well! See if I'm ever nice to you again! *hangs up*  
  
KURAMA: Oops.  
  
YUSUKE: Ya! Now, back to truth or dare! It's Kurama's turn!  
  
KURAMA: Can I pass?  
  
YUSUKE: No.  
  
KURAMA: I pick Yusuke.  
  
YUSUKE: Dare!  
  
KURAMA: OKay. Hm... *thinks for a minute* Hm. I dare you to go to the police station and turn yourself in for child abuse!  
  
YUSUKE: Whaat?!  
  
KURAMA: You heard me.  
  
YUSUKE: No! I don't have any children to abuse!  
  
KURAMA: *blinks, looking thoughtful, then looks at Hiei*  
  
HIEI: I'M NOT A CHILD!!!  
  
KURAMA: Are you gonna do it, Yusuke?  
  
YUSUKE: Heck no!  
  
SHADOW: You're lousy! You can't pass on all of them! You'll end up completely naked!  
  
YUSUKE: That's my choice.  
  
ALL: O_O  
  
YUSUKE: Besides, I never lose, and if I end up completely naked, I'll be the loser. So I'll have to do something.  
  
SHADOW: Right. Well, you lose your shirt now, so...  
  
*Yusuke pulls of his shirt*  
  
SHADOW: This is wrong.  
  
YUSUKE: Why? Don't you like the thought of having shirtless guys around you?  
  
SHADOW: O_O What are you implying, pervert?  
  
YUSUKE: Ohhhh, nothing!  
  
SHADOW: *kicks him in the head* I think you're saying something you shouldn't be!  
  
YUSUKE: No! I'm innocent.  
  
SHADOW: Right. Anywho, it's your turn.  
  
YUSUKE: I pick you, then.  
  
SHADOW: Me? Okay. *thinks* Dare.  
  
YUSUKE: Hm. I dare you to... Hum... OH! I know! I dare you to hold hands with Hiei for the rest of this game.  
  
SHADOW: What is you peoples's deal with me and Hiei?!  
  
YUSUKE: What? I just think that he's the one you're most likely to... uh... want to hold hands with.  
  
SHADOW: Pfft! Like you really care about what I'd want.  
  
YUSUKE: Of course I do!  
  
SHADOW: Well I pass. *pulls off her coat and drops it on the floor*  
  
YUSUKE: Wow. Now you two really look like twinsies.  
  
SHADOW & HIEI: WOULD YOU STOP IT WITH THAT WORD?!  
  
YUSUKE: TWINSIES!!!  
  
KURAMA: *looking at Shadow and Hiei nervously* Yusuke, uh... I suggest you stop it now...  
  
YUSUKE: Why? Twinsies is a funny word. And besides, if you ignore the fact that Shadow is a girl and Hiei is a boy, they look the same. They're wearing the same clothes, they both have red eyes, black hair with white in it---  
  
SHADOW: Silver!!! It's silver!!!  
  
YUSUKE: Whatever.  
  
HIEI: And besides, does it look like Shadow has anti-gravity hair? I'm special.  
  
YUSUKE: Right. Kurama has anti-gravity hair, somewhat.  
  
KURAMA: O_O *covers his head with his arms* I do not!  
  
KUWABARA: Yeah, it sticks up a little. Me and Yusuke are the only ones with normal hair.  
  
SHADOW: *glares* Like I care if it's normal or not. I like my silver streak.  
  
YUSUKE: Back to the point I was making. They look like twins.  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: *steaming* Curses... NO WE DON'T!!!  
  
*Shadow is holding crowbar, and Hiei has his hand on the hilt of his sword and they're both glaring at Yusuke evilly*  
  
KURAMA: LET'S GET BACK TO THIS STUPID GAME BEFORE WE KILL EACH OTHER!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE MOPPING UP BLOOD OFF THE FLOOR, IF YOU DON'T MIND!!!  
  
SHADOW: RIGHT! Let me get something straight here. The first person in their underwear loses, right?  
  
YUSUKE: That's right.  
  
SHADOW: Hm... OKay. Yusuke, truth or dare.  
  
YUSUKE: Dare.  
  
SHADOW: I dare you to take off your shoes and socks.  
  
YUSUKE: What the hell kind of dare is that? *pulls of his shoes and socks*  
  
SHADOW: *smiles evilly* Your turn.  
  
HIEI: Why was that so bad?  
  
SHADOW: You'll see.  
  
YUSUKE: I pick... Hiei!  
  
HIEI: *rolls his eyes* Truth.  
  
YUSUKE: Oooh. Hm. Have you ever slept with a girl?  
  
HIEI: Yeah.  
  
YUSUKE: *squeal* Who?!  
  
HIEI: None of your business.  
  
YUSUKE: Dammit.  
  
SHADOW: *whispering to Hiei* Pick Yusuke, and dare him to do something that he'll never ever in a billion years do so that he'll have to lose his pants, and then he'll be in his underwear and this stupid game will be over! Or ask him a question he'd never ever answer in a bazoogle years.  
  
HIEI: OKay. Yusuke.  
  
KUWABARA: Hey, this isn't fair! I should get picked!  
  
HIEI: Shut up, dolt.  
  
KUWABARA: *pouts*  
  
YUSUKE: Dare.  
  
HIEI: *thinks for a second before an evil smile comes onto his face* I dare you to go down to the senior citizen's center and walk around in there completely naked.  
  
YUSUKE: What?! Heck no!  
  
HIEI: You lose.  
  
YUSUKE: What?  
  
SHADOW: If you don't, then you'll take off your pants and be in your underwear, and you lose.  
  
YUSUKE: Dammit!  
  
KURAMA: I thought you never lose, Yusuke?  
  
YUSUKE: SHUT UP, FOX BOY! *throws a shoe*  
  
KURAMA: Ack! *dodges the shoe*  
  
ALL: YUSUKE LOSES!!!  
  
YUSUKE: SHUT UP, SUCKERS!!! *starts putting his clothes back on*  
  
SHADOW: Well, that was entertaining for the few minutes it lasted. Got any other plans?  
  
YUSUKE: Not really. Kuwabara?  
  
KUWABARA: Uh. We could play another game. One that I might be able to participate in you lousy bums.  
  
HIEI: *rolls his eyes* This is lame. *starts walking away*  
  
YUSUKE: *tackles Hiei* No sir, you're not leaving! We're going to play... Hm...  
  
HIEI: *punches Yusuke* I'M GOING TO BED! *leaves*  
  
SHADOW: *looks at the clock* Yeah, it is pretty late...  
  
YUSUKE: Eleven thirty?  
  
SHADOW: Another half hour and it'll be early, so yes, it's late. Genius.  
  
YUSUKE: Ohhhhhhh.  
  
SHADOW: Good night, all. *walks upstairs*  
  
YUSUKE: Ha!!! *follows her with Kuwabara right behind him*  
  
*Shadow opens her door to find Hiei sitting on her bed. Yusuke and Kuwabara almost die when they hear her talking to him in her room.*  
  
YUSUKE: *whispering* Let's lock them in together! *seals the door shut with two by fours*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lovely, huh? R&R, please! Not getting many reviews, so curses. Give me suggestions for my story! I'll accept flames, line challenges, you know, whatever! Just REVIEW for god's sake!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: I wonder what chapter they're on in that story.  
  
SHADOW: This is the end of the sixth.  
  
HIEI: How do you know?  
  
SHADOW: The voices in my head told me.  
  
HIEI: O_O  
  
SHADOW: I also got a hint from the fact that the person watching us is waving around a flag that says '6' on it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Nice move, Slick. Anywho, r&r PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! 


	7. THEY'RE WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE H...

Welcome back, dude, like, radical, man, it's like, far out, dude! Just kidding, I'm on a sugar high, here... Yay! Heh. Sugar is god. Worship it!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Shadow and Hiei are sulking again in their wonderful white clothes, cursing various things, such as their white clothes, the loony bin administrators, humanity, the narrator, Hiei, humanity, Shadow, humanity, rubber walls, humanity, loony bin drugs, humanity... You get the idea. Not much going on.*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ONWARD!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
CHAPITER SEVIN  
THEY'RE WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!  
  
*In case you've forgotten, Yusuke sealed Shadow and Hiei together in Shadow's room by nailing two by fours over the door so they couldn't come out*  
  
HIEI: WHAT THE HECK! OPEN THE DOOR, YOU PANSY BITCHES!  
  
SOME GUY: HEY, THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, BOY!  
  
HIEI: Shut up, you #%*ing censor guy. *doing a bad impression of horror, like in a cheesy movie with bad actors* Oh, no! His cursid shift-number censors!  
  
CENSOR GUY: *laughing evilly* SOON, THE WORLD WILL BE FREE OF ALL CUSSING, AND IT WILL BE FULL OF SHIFT-NUMBER CENSORS!!!  
  
EVERYBODY: *looking fakely horrified, like bad actors* AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!  
  
SHADOW: SHUT THE ^($& UP, YOU MOTHER^(&@ING CENSOR GUY!!!!!!  
  
CENSOR GUY: MUWAHAHA. MUWAHAHA. MUWAHA! HA HA! HA HA *suddenly horrified* AAAHHHHH!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND KEEPS RABID WEASELS IN A ROOM ACROSS THE HALL? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! BACK, WEASEL. Gooood weasel! Good. No! NO! Ahhh! Let go of me! HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!! *runs away screaming, being chased by Shadow's rabid weasels*  
  
SHADOW: I'M NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!! *laughs evilly*  
  
CENSOR GUY: SO I NOTICED! *he has weasels latched onto his throat and wrists* HOLY CRAP, GIRL WHAT THE--- *dies from blood loss*  
  
KURAMA: *walks upstairs* AGH! Shadow, your weasels killed somebody again!  
  
SHADOW: Yes, so I noticed. Could you open the door?  
  
KURAMA: No! I gotta mop up the blood before the smell makes me go nuts... And you should keep that door locked, Shadow, because last time it was the vacuum cleaner salesman that they got.  
  
SHADOW: Oh, that was deliberate.  
  
KURAMA: What?!  
  
SHADOW: The weasels were hungry.  
  
KURAMA: Shit, girl, you're insane!  
  
*By now, the rabid weasels had picked the bones of the censor guy completely clean and are waddling back to their room*  
  
SHADOW: Hey, throw the skeleton in their room, too, Kurama! They like to chew on the bones.  
  
KURAMA: O_O Shadow, I swear to god, there's got to be some law against this.  
  
SHADOW: They came with the house.  
  
KURAMA: DID NOT!  
  
SHADOW: I found them in the forest. They came with the forest, then.  
  
KURAMA: Geez... You're insane. *drags the skeleton back to the weasels' room and throws it in there, closing the door quickly to avoid letting any out*  
  
*Yusuke and Kuwabara are staring at Kurama, who is now mopping up the blood that wasn't cleaned up by the weasels, with a look of horror on their faces. They slowly turn and stare at the door. A big sign on it reads, "DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE"*  
  
HIEI: *leaning on the wall in Shadow's room with his eyes closed* Yusuke, you pansy, are you going to open the door or not?!  
  
YUSUKE: *too horrified to speak*  
  
KURAMA: *carrying a mop and a bucket full of soapy bloody water* He's not, Hiei, he's too scared of the weasels. You might as well just camp out in there tonight, cuz they're kinda blocking the door, so I can't help you.  
  
HIEI: What?! CURSE YOU, FOX!  
  
KURAMA: What, it's not like Yusuke is gonna realize it and use it for blackmail. He's in shock out here. I think this is the most terrified I've ever seen him.  
  
SHADOW: What about the dolt?  
  
KURAMA: Kuwabara is... I think he's lost his mind.  
  
SHADOW: Yeah! So those weasels are more useful than just eating traveling salesmen!  
  
KURAMA: It seems that way, doesn't it... Okay, well I'm going to go dump out this mess of blood, because the smell is... not doing anything good for me. *walks away*  
  
YUSUKE: *shaking with fear and still staring at the 'high voltage' sign on the weasel door* Omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod....  
  
KUWABARA: *running in circles waving his arms* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE HORROR!!! THE HOOOORRRRROOOORRRRRRRRR!!!  
  
SHADOW: Well, you can try to bust down the door, or you can sleep and see if those lunatics outside recover by morning. If not... Explosions are guaranteed... *pulls out a stick of dynamite*  
  
HIEI: Who in their right mind carries DYNAMITE around, girl?!  
  
SHADOW: Hiei, you should know by now that I'm not in my right mind! *smiles, tosses him the dynamite and curls up in her bed, promptly falling asleep two seconds later, leaving Hiei standing there with a stick of dynamite*  
  
HIEI: *staring at the dynamite* Heh heh... *smiles evilly*  
  
SHADOW: *wakes up suddenly, gets up, walks over, and snatches her dynamite back* No explosions while I'm sleeping. *sticks the dynamite in a dresser drawer and goes back to bed*  
  
HIEI: *sulking* Curses on her.  
  
~*~ The next morning ~*~  
  
*Yusuke and Kuwabara recovered some time around 4 in the morning and pulled off the boards from Shadow's doorway*  
  
YUSUKE: *looking around Shadow's room* They didn't sleep together.  
  
*Shadow is in her bed and Hiei is on the floor. Both of them are sound asleep*  
  
KUWABARA: I wonder how much it would take to wake them up...  
  
KURAMA: *walking by the door* Not much. I suggest you get out, guys, and--- KUWABARA!!!  
  
KUWABARA: Heh heh. *pokes Hiei* Poke poke poke AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
HIEI: NEVER DO THAT, YOU UGLY BOY!!! *punches Kuwabara in the face*  
  
KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hugs Yusuke's leg* MOMMY, SHORTY PUNCHED ME!!!  
  
YUSUKE: LET GO OF ME, FATSO! *kicks Kuwabara in the head*  
  
KURAMA: *flinching and watching Shadow* Please don't wake up... Please don't wake up... Shut up guys... She's going to wake up...  
  
KUWABARA: OOOWWWWWW!!! *sits back, rubbing his head*  
  
YUSUKE: NEVER HUG ME!  
  
KUWABARA: I didn't mean tooooooo!!! *starts crying*  
  
SHADOW: *groans and rolls over*  
  
HIEI: *staring at Shadow with a look or terror on his face* Oh shit. *darts out of the room*  
  
KURAMA: *still staring at Shadow in horror* She's going to wake up... Be quiet... Stop screaming... Yusuke... You're doomed...  
  
HIEI: What are you doing! Run for it! *grabs Kurama and is halfway down the hall when it happens*  
  
SHADOW: *screaming louder than anything in the world* WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!  
  
DYNAMITE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!  
  
YUSUKE & KUWABARA: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
SHADOW: GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! OUT!!! NOW!!! LAST TIME I CHECKED, I NEVER LET BOYS IN MY ROOM WHEN I'M SLEEPING!!!  
  
YUSUKE: *burnt and on fire still from the explosion* What about Hiei?  
  
SHADOW: Hiei's okay. BUT YOU'RE NOT! NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!  
  
*Yusuke and Kuwabara run out of the room screeching like a whipped dog with their hands over their heads. Shadow slides out into the hall a second later waving a katana in one hand and a meat cleaver in the other*  
  
HIEI: *his hand shoots back to his sheath and he realizes his sword is gone* O_O My... katana...  
  
KURAMA: How'd she get a hold of it?  
  
HIEI: Why are you asking me?! I don't know!!! What do you think I am? Psychic?!  
  
KURAMA: *looks at Hiei's forehead* Yes.  
  
HIEI: *he goes cross-eyed trying to look at his own forehead* Oh yeah. Oops. WELL I STILL DON'T KNOW!  
  
SHADOW: Well, that got rid of them... Hiei, this is yours! *throws the katana at Hiei, who catches and sheaths it*  
  
HIEI: Uh... Are you gonna kick us out to?  
  
SHADOW: No, idiot! You live here.  
  
KURAMA: I don't.  
  
SHADOW: Well, you're not some blackmailing freak who wakes me up early in the morning.  
  
KURAMA: Shadow, it's noon already.  
  
SHADOW: Kurama?  
  
KURAMA: Yes?  
  
SHADOW: Shut up.  
  
KURAMA: O_O ... -_- Well FINE then. Be that way!  
  
SHADOW: I will. And you can't do anything about it!  
  
DOORBELL: DING DONG!!!  
  
SHADOW: Hiei, would you answer that?  
  
HIEI: Why? It's probably just Yusuke and Kuwabara begging forgiveness so they can get back in here and try to blackmail us.  
  
SHADOW: Well, I have a little idea that will soon turn into a big working plan with the help of that fox you've got there.  
  
HIEI: *looks at Kurama, looking confused* I haven't got him. He's just standing here.  
  
SHADOW: Well---  
  
DOORBELL: BUZZ!!!  
  
SHADOW: I'm still going to turn my idea into a big working plan with his help.  
  
HIEI: Why can't I help?  
  
SHADOW: Cuz you're not some thousand-year-old genius teenager.  
  
HIEI: *sulks*  
  
DOORBELL: BEEEEP!!!  
  
SHADOW: Now please go answer the door!  
  
HIEI: *glares at her for a second before moping past her, muttering under his breath*  
  
SHADOW: *grabs Hiei by the back of his shirt and pulls him back* I hope I'm mistaken, but did I just hear you say I was a slave driver?!  
  
HIEI: O_O *a little halo appears over his head* Of course not! Why would you think I'd said something so cruel to my bestest friend?! ^_^  
  
KURAMA: But...  
  
SHADOW: Well, that's sure what it sounded like.  
  
HIEI: Well, you're not. You're my bestest friend.  
  
KURAMA: But...  
  
SHADOW: Then what did you say?  
  
HIEI: I... uh... said you were a really nice person and I love you?  
  
KURAMA: But...  
  
SHADOW: What part of that sounds like 'slave driver'?  
  
HIEI: Hm... That'll take some thought. Can I get back to you on that?  
  
KURAMA: But...  
  
SHADOW: Sure. Think about it on your way to the door.  
  
HIEI: Fine. *mutters something under his breath*  
  
SHADOW: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!  
  
HIEI: *the halo bursts into flames and disintegrates* Nothing!  
  
SHADOW: Curses. You know, I think you're lying.  
  
HIEI: ^_^ I wouldn't lie to my bestest friend!  
  
KURAMA: But...  
  
DOORBELL: WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY, ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT? COME ON, SNAP TO IT, PANSIES!!!  
  
HIEI: *glares up at the speaker on the ceiling* I'll go answer the door.  
  
SHADOW: Good boy. *lets go of him and he runs downstairs*  
  
KURAMA: But... *staring blankly*  
  
SHADOW: What's wrong?  
  
KURAMA: I thought I was his bestest friend!!!  
  
SHADOW: No, you're his best friend. I don't exist, since bestest isn't a word and so therefore there can't be such a thing as a bestest friend.  
  
KURAMA: *looks happy* Okay!  
  
SHADOW: You're the genius, you should have figured that out.  
  
KURAMA: Heh... *sweatdrop*  
  
HIEI: *from downstairs* SHADOW!!!  
  
SHADOW: WHAT?!  
  
HIEI: COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE!!!  
  
SHADOW: *rolls her eyes* WHY?  
  
HIEI: JUST GET DOWN HERE PLEASE!!!  
  
SHADOW: WELL WHO'S THE SLAVE DRIVER NOW?  
  
*~* Downstairs *~*  
  
HIEI: *glances at the people at the door* Heh heh. Ignore her. She's slightly demented.  
  
MAN AT THE DOOR #1: I'm curious, though. If she's demented, why do you need her to come down here?  
  
HIEI: Shadow is the one who owns the house and takes care of all of... this kind of stuff. You just stay right there. *darts down the hall and up the stairs* SHA-- OW!!!  
  
*Hiei ran straight into Shadow on the stairs and they both fall down the stairs*  
  
MAN AT THE DOOR #2: Oh dear. ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?  
  
HIEI: Yes, we're fine.  
  
*Shadow and Hiei walk around the corner. Shadow is distracted with trying to lick a small cut near her elbow and doesn't notice the men at the door*  
  
HIEI: Shadow?  
  
SHADOW: *looks at Hiei* Yeah?  
  
HIEI: *points at the two men at the door*  
  
SHADOW: *looks up and instantly jumps backwards, falling over the back of the couch and landing upside down on her head. She jumps up with a look of horror on her face* JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!!!  
  
JW (Jehovah's witness, formerly Man At The Door) #1: Yes... We were wondering if you had a spare minute so we could talk to you?  
  
SHADOW: NOO!!!  
  
JW #2: Well. maybe you can read this in your spare time. *holds out a pamphlet*  
  
SHADOW: N-- You know what, actually, I do... Come upstairs. *grabs Hiei and drags him upstairs*  
  
HIEI: What the heck are you doing?!  
  
SHADOW: Shhh! *stops outside the door with the 'high voltage' sign on it and flips that sign around. On the other side it says 'welcome!!!' with flowers and bunny rabbits and cuteness*  
  
HIEI: *jaw drops* Shadow... You're demented, you realize that don't you?  
  
SHADOW: *smiles evilly* Yeah! It's great, isn't it!  
  
HIEI: O_O  
  
JW #1: *finally getting up the stairs* We thank you for allowing us in, but why do you want us up here? Couldn't we just talk in the living room or something?  
  
SHADOW: No. This is my visitor's room. *opens the door and pushes the two guys inside, slamming the door behind them*  
  
JW #1: What?! Hey!  
  
JW #2: AAAGH!!! FERRETS!!!  
  
JW #1: WHAT?! AAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
SHADOW: THEY'RE WEASELS, YOU RETARDED FOOLS!!! WEASELS, NOT SOME PANSY LITTLE HOUSE PET!!!  
  
HIEI: O_O  
  
*the Jehovah's witnesses are screaming and the weasels are screeching and finally there's silence. Kurama was standing down the hall and saw the whole thing*  
  
KURAMA: Shadow, that's... not... intelligent, exactly...  
  
SHADOW: Oh, shut up, fox boy. Did you really think I'm intelligent?!  
  
KURAMA: Well, that IQ test you took once said your IQ is 132, which is above average, so I'm just saying... You're smart, why don't you ACT LIKE IT?!  
  
SHADOW: I don't want to, and some pansy red haired spirit-fox-in-a-human's- body isn't about to make me.  
  
KURAMA: Pansy!?  
  
HIEI: Oopsy. Shadow, you shouldn't have said that.  
  
KURAMA: Pansy?!  
  
SHADOW: *nodding* Yah. You heard me.  
  
KURAMA: I AM NOT A PANSY!!! KUWABARA IS A PANSY!!! I AM NOT!!!  
  
HIEI: He's an angry pansy.  
  
KURAMA: HIEI!!!  
  
SHADOW: He's a furious pansy.  
  
KURAMA: SHUT THE ^(&# UP!!!  
  
HIEI: NO!!! THE CENSOR-PERSON'S CURSID SHIFT-NUMBER CENSOR!!!  
  
CENSOR GUY #2: *rises up out of the floor* MUWAHAHAHAHHA!!! YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THE CENSOR PEOPLE!!!  
  
SHADOW: SHUT UP, (&%*^&@  
  
CG #2: *laughing insanely*  
  
KURAMA: *punches the guy in the jaw* SHUT UP, YOU &%#)(&*  
  
CG #2: *rubbing his jaw* I'm ashamed of you, Kurama. That didn't hurt!  
  
KURAMA: *kicks him in the crotch* How about that?!  
  
*The censor guy stands, completely normal, not even a speck of pain on his face*  
  
HIEI: No way.  
  
KURAMA: This guy...  
  
SHADOW: IS IMMORTAL!!!  
  
ALL: *look at each other for a second* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles* GOD HELP US!!!  
  
KOENMA: *appears* You called?  
  
HIEI: *stops* You're not God. ()&% off.  
  
KOENMA: What is this crossdressing censor woman doing here!?  
  
ALL (except CG and Koenma): O_O What the )*^%?!  
  
SHADOW: *pale* You mean...  
  
HIEI: *very pale* This guy is actually...  
  
KURAMA: *white* A... girl?!  
  
ALL THREE: *look at each other with looks of complete horror on their faces* OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *start running in circles (and other similar shapes), eventually crashing into either the walls of each other and falling down*  
  
KOENMA: Well, I see no point in my being here... *vanishes*  
  
CG #2: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Never cuss, or you might get your house invaded by a girl with a moustache. *walks away*  
  
*Kurama, Hiei, and Shadow are laying there, unconscious from running into walls or smashing their heads together. Yusuke comes sneaking up the stairs, laughing evilly, and pushes Shadow and Kurama together, snaps a few pictures, and runs away again, leaving them cluelessly laying on the hallway floor, unconscious*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, if you don't hate Jehovah's witnesses, you must either be a Jehovah's witness or be rather oblivious to the world... I don't like them much, so you can understand why I would want to feed them to weasels. And since I can't REALLY feed people to weasels, Shadow did it for me. I don't keep rooms full of rabid bloodthirsty starved weasels...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SHADOW: YES!  
  
HIEI: What?!  
  
SHADOW: I've figured out what to do with all the loony bin people when I get out of here!  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: Well, we've been in here for way too long, and unless Kurama has fed the weasels...  
  
HIEI: *smiles evilly then bursts out laughing* Shadow, sometimes I love you.  
  
SHADOW: O_O  
  
HIEI: Unless, of course, I hate you. Then I don't love you.  
  
SHADOW: O_o  
  
HIEI: Right. Oh, I'm in a good mood. So good that I'm not going to kill the reader for watching me! 


	8. Arguments

HI!!! I'm not high. Are you high? You better not be high. HI!!! Yah... Right... I'm on a sugar high again. *eats chocolate* Mmmmm....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
LOONY BIN DOCTOR: *walks into Shadow and Hiei's room* Time for your medicine!!!  
  
HIEI: BACK OFF, FREAK!!!  
  
SHADOW: BACK, YE E-VILE CREATURE!!! *making a little cross with her fingers and hiding behind Hiei*  
  
HIEI: Don't hide behind me, girl! Geesh! *moves*  
  
SHADOW: MEDICINE IS THE SPAWN OF SATAN!!!  
  
HIEI: *slaps his hand over her mouth* You're gonna make them think you're nuts!  
  
SHADOW: *pries his hand off* Who says I'm not?  
  
LOONY BIN DOCTOR: O_O???  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ CON-TEEN-YEOO!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHAPITER ATE  
Arguments  
(You make me angry. Start begging, or you will experience the pain of  
having your heart scooped out with a rusty spoon and fed to you through  
your nose.)  
  
SHADOW: *staring at some pictures with buggy eyes and her mouth hanging open* I can't believe he DID that!  
  
KURAMA: *walks into the room* Believe who did what?  
  
SHADOW: Nnnnnothing. *hides the pictures in her jacket*  
  
KURAMA: *narrows his eyes* You're hiding something...  
  
SHADOW: Why do you say that?!  
  
KURAMA: *smiles and looks quite proud of himself* I saw you put it in your jacket!  
  
SHADOW: Pfft. You're nuts.  
  
KURAMA: *glares* I think YOU are.  
  
SHADOW: Pfft. No I'm not!  
  
HIEI: *walks into the room* Yes you are.  
  
SHADOW: No I'm not!  
  
HIEI: Not what?  
  
SHADOW: Insane!  
  
HIEI: Did I say you were?  
  
SHADOW: Yes, actually, you did.  
  
HIEI: When!?  
  
SHADOW: You just walked into the room and agreed with Kurama that I'm insane!  
  
HIEI: Oh, so THAT'S what you were arguing about. Hm. *walks away, dragging a rather suspicious-looking bag*  
  
SHADOW: Hiei. What's in that bag?  
  
HIEI: *looks nervous* A... uh... An assortment of things...  
  
KURAMA: Like?  
  
HIEI: Junk.  
  
SHADOW: Dead bodies?  
  
HIEI: Sort of.  
  
KURAMA: Alive bodies?  
  
HIEI: Somewhat.  
  
SHADOW: Unconscious bloody heaps that look somewhat like a body but aren't really anymore?  
  
HIEI: One of them.  
  
KURAMA: Yusuke and Kuwabara?  
  
HIEI: Uh... Heh...  
  
SHADOW: OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE YUSUKE AND KUWABARA IN THAT SACK!?  
  
HIEI: Yeah... *cowers* Don't hurt me!!!  
  
SHADOW: Hurt you?! I LOVE YOU!!! *tackles Hiei and hugs him while Kurama grabs the sack and dumps out the two unconscious boys*  
  
HIEI: Shadow?  
  
SHADOW: *still smothering him with a hug* You killed the annoying blackmailing stupid idiot boys!!!  
  
HIEI: Um... Shadow... I...  
  
SHADOW: YAY!!! I won't have to put up with them anymore!!!  
  
HIEI: *turning blue* Shadow...  
  
SHADOW: You are the bestestest friend a person could have!!!  
  
HIEI: AACKK!!!  
  
KURAMA: SHADOW, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL YOUR BESTESTEST FRIEND IF YOU DON'T GET OFF OF HIM!!!  
  
SHADOW: Huh? *realizes she's practically strangling him* OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY!!! *jumps up, accidentally stepping on Kuwabara but paying no attention to it when she realizes she did*  
  
HIEI: *laying on the floor cross-eyed* GASP!!! Agh. Ack. Hack. Choke. Gasp. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. GASP! HACK! GASP GASP.  
  
KURAMA: Hiei, what did you do to these two?  
  
HIEI: *breathing normally-ish. Finally.* Well...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FLASHBACK EXPLAINATION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
HIEI: *in his room, playing extremely loud heavy-metal music on his guitar*  
  
*~* On the roof... *~*  
  
YUSUKE: Okay, I'll lower you down, and you take the pictures.  
  
KUWABARA: What!? Of Hiei? What if he catches me? I'll be dead meat!  
  
YUSUKE: Not my problem... *hands Kuwabara a camera, grabs his leg, and pushes him off the roof, keeping a hold of his leg to make sure he doesn't fall to his death four floors below on the rose bushes that had been planted there as anti-burglary devices several months earlier*  
  
KUWABARA: Aaahhh--Oof! *hanging upside down outside Hiei's window by his leg* Here goes... *starts snapping pictures of Hiei playing his guitar like a lunatic*  
  
HIEI: *notices the camera flashing behind him* WHAT THE HECK?! *spins around, throwing his guitar at the window and slamming Kuwabara in the nose with it*  
  
KUWABARA: OH MY GOD, MY NOSE!!! *drops the camera*  
  
HIEI: *shoots out the window, catching the guitar and the camera before they are eternally lost in the thorns and bloodthirsty plants below the window, then somehow manuvers himself back up into his room* Phew!  
  
KUWABARA: MY NOSE! MY NOSE! MY POOR, POOR, BEE-YOO-TEE-FOOL NOSE!!!  
  
HIEI: Oh god... WHY THE HECK WERE YOU PHOTOGRAPHING ME? THAT'S AS BAD AS SHADOW AND HER VIDEO TAPES, YOU RETARDED, LOW DOWN, WORTHLESS, PANSY HUMAN!!! *launches himself off the windowsill, kicking Kuwabara in the head and knocking him unconscious, then darting up and landing beside Yusuke on the roof*  
  
YUSUKE: *sweatdrop* Eh heh... *drops Kuwabara* Hi... Hiei...  
  
HIEI: I'm sick of you.  
  
YUSUKE: Me?  
  
HIEI: You and your blackmail.  
  
YUSUKE: Oh! Uh. Well, the roof isn't an ideal place for revenge, and besides, you don't even have your sword! I'll just be going now, since I guess you can't do anything to me.  
  
HIEI: *glances at his hands, in which he is still holding the guitar and the camera* The heck I can't, kid. *crushes the camera and tosses it aside, then charges at Yusuke with the guitar*  
  
YUSUKE: Isn't there some show that some girl uses a guitar as a weapon-- OW!!!  
  
*Yusuke is sent flying backwards by the 'deadly' guitar*  
  
HIEI: So what if there is? I'm gonna whip your sorry butt with a guitar, being as I haven't got the time to go back for my katana.  
  
YUSUKE: Heh heh...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END FLASHBACK EXPLAINATION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SHADOW: So Yusuke dropped Kuwabara in the man-eating roses, and you mangled Yusuke with a... guitar?  
  
HIEI: Yes, exactly.  
  
SHADOW: Okee Dokee then! *looks freaked out*  
  
KURAMA: In the meantime... You better hope Yusuke isn't dead.  
  
HIEI: Pft! I hope he is.  
  
KURAMA: Uh... Hello?! Reikai prison is not a fun place to be, genius!  
  
HIEI: Yeah, like Koenma would be fool enough to send the strongest living spirit detective to prison... Leaving only you, the calm, red-haired human boy who can turn into a bloodthirsty, sex-crazed, murderous spirit fox. I DON'T THINK SO.  
  
KURAMA: Excuse me?! I take that as a personal insult, and I suggest you take that back before the bloodthirsty, sex-crazed, murderous spirit fox comes out and whoops yer ass, pansy!  
  
HIEI: Pansy? PANSY? ME?! Kurama, honestly, I thought you were much more intelligent than that. ~I~ am not a pansy. If anyone is, I believe it is you.  
  
KURAMA: Hiei, I may SEEM like a pansy, what with the long hair and "girly" roses and flowers, but you know I am not, as you have seen Youko kicking some demon butt, and he is not somebody you want to come near, especially if you are insulting him. Pansy and Youko should not be used in the same sentence, my friend.  
  
HIEI: I never accused YOUKO of being a pansy. I said it was you. You and Youko, are two different people, as I see it, and I was referring to you. You. As in, long red hair, green eyes, accused of being a girl, accused of being gay, stole the forlorn mirror thing and BETRAYED me, *under his breath* damn fox...  
  
KURAMA: Accused of being gay, huh? Well, I have seen so many sick and perverted stories on the internet calling YOU gay, too.  
  
SHADOW: I've heard of ones pairing Kuwabara and Hiei.  
  
HIEI: WHAT?!  
  
SHADOW: It wasn't me! I don't believe in that lousy yaoi crap! I want to kill anyone who does!  
  
HIEI: Good. I, personally, do not see how people can think I am gay. Kurama, I can see. But me?! Pfft! Yeah right!  
  
KURAMA: I AM NOT GAY, YOU LOUSY--- *Shadow holds a sign over his mouth that says 'censored!' and suddenly all his words are silent, although it is obvious he's still ranting about something*  
  
SHADOW: HEY GUYS! STOP ARGUING!  
  
HIEI: Stay out of this Shadow!  
  
KURAMA: Shadow, Hiei won't stop calling me gay. Make him stop.  
  
SHADOW: Me? Why me? Why would I be able to?  
  
KURAMA: You're his girlfriend, aren't you?  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: NO!!!  
  
KURAMA: HOLY MOLEY!!! *runs away screaming, being closely chased by a couple lunatic pyromaniacs waving katanas and meat cleavers*  
  
YUSUKE: *stands up* NO WORRIES! The detective... LIVES!!!  
  
*Shadow, Hiei, and Kurama all mutter curses under their breath as they look at Yusuke, momentarily stopping their violent chase, giving Kurama time to vanish off into no-where-ville*  
  
YUSUKE: I'll be going. *grabs Kuwabara and runs out the door*  
  
*Hiei and Shadow watch Yusuke leave. They turn back and realize Kurama has vanished too (little do they know that he's in the basement). Hiei turns to face Shadow*  
  
HIEI: ON GUARD! *jumps at Shadow with his sword, and they start some insane katana vs. meat cleaver battle in Shadow's living room*  
  
~*~ Three hours later ~*~  
  
SHADOW: *collapses onto the couch* I'm tired...  
  
HIEI: DIE! *jumps at Shadow like he's gonna stab her, but instead he ends up slamming into the back of the couch. It tips over and Shadow falls on top of Hiei*  
  
YUSUKE: *appearing out of nowhere* PERFECT! *snaps a whole roll of film before they can get up, then runs back out of the house*  
  
HIEI: THAT'S IT!!! *jumps up, trips over Shadow, drops his sword, falls on his face, gets up again, grabs his katana off the ground, and chases after Yusuke, closely followed by Shadow, waving a meat cleaver like a lunatic*  
  
YUSUKE: *out in the yard* OH CRAP!!! *takes off running, leaping over Kuwabara's unconscious body lying on the ground*  
  
HIEI: GET HIM!!! *runs right over Kuwabara. Splat*  
  
SHADOW: DEATH TO YUSUKE URAMESHI!!! *runs over Kuwabara too. Crunch*  
  
KURAMA: HEY YOU THREE!!! STOP!!! STOP STOP STOP!!! *steps on Kuwabara and pushes off, leaping on top of Hiei and slamming his face into the pavement*  
  
HIEI: OH MY GOD! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! I HAVE GRAVEL IN MY FACE! GET IT OUT! GET IT--- SHADOW, GO KILL YUSUKE!!! OOOWWWWW!!! IT BURNS!!! *pushes Kurama off him and sits down in the middle of the road to pick the tiny stones out from under his skin*  
  
CAR HORN: HONK!!!  
  
CAR BRAKES: SCREECH!!!  
  
ANGRY CAR DRIVER: GET OUT OF THE ROAD, MOTHER--- *censored sign pops over his face for a second, blanking out the word* ING IDIOT!!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? ARE YOU DEAF? CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHAT THE (&^% IS YOUR PROBLEM?!  
  
HIEI: *gets up right in the driver's face with an insane look on his face* It burrrrnnnnsssss!!!  
  
FREAKED OUT (used to be angry) CAR DRIVER: You scare me. *swerves around Hiei and shoots down the road at 100 mph, passing up Yusuke who is being chased by Shadow who is being chased by Kurama*  
  
KURAMA: I AM SICK OF YOUR STUPID BLACKMAILING AND CONSTANT PETTY FIGHTS!!! *catches up to Shadow and Yusuke, grabs them by the backs of their shirts, and throws them on the ground. They land on their butts near Hiei, who was just catching up with them from picking gravel out of his face*  
  
SHADOW: *under her breath* We're dead.  
  
KURAMA: I AM SICK OF YOUR BLACKMAILING AND CONSTANT FIGHTING, AND THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SOLVE IT!!! *he reaches inside his coat and pulls out a huge gun, getting an insane/happy look on his face*  
  
SHADOW: OH MY GOD! KURAMA'S LOST HIS MIND!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oh my god! Kurama's lost his mind! Will he ever find it again? Where could it possibley be? Maybe it's under this rock... Hmmm... No... Gee. Well I don't know where it could be then. You'll just have to wait and find out if he shoots all his friends or not.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SHADOW: *staggering around the room, talking in a really spaced-out, high pitched voice* Medicine is the spawn of Satan... We must take our medicine... It's good for us... I like guns... They're fun to play with... You always point the little hole TOWARDS your head... The same with explosives. Always stay CLOSE BY once the fuse is lit... Weehee...  
  
HIEI: That's it. I'm getting out of here... I have had enough of some loony bin, and now that they've injected my only companion full of drugs, I'LL GO INSANE. Just because she's all pumped up on drugs to make her insane and I don't like insane people. I gotta get OUT!!! *starts picking at the wall with his fingernail* This could take a while... 


	9. Switzerland!

Hello! I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, so THANKS!!! On other topics... I think this chapter or the next one will be the end of my story. It depends on what happens in this one. I don't know how you write stories, but I somehow get good stories by writing them off the top of my head... Oh well. On with the story, then, cuz I'm sure none of you care about my writing techniques.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Hiei has gotten a 1 square inch hole dug with his fingernail. Shadow's drugs are starting to wear off, and she's laying on the floor nearby twitching and drooling like a typical completely insane person*  
  
HIEI: O_o This is gonna take forever...  
  
SHADOW: *suddenly shakes her head and stands up, promptly falling back over on top of Hiei* Aaagh!!!  
  
HIEI: Shadow! Get off of me! I'm trying to get us out of here, you know!!!  
  
SHADOW: *stares at the wall like somebody who is drunk, squinting and swaying* Kick it.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: Why don't you kick the wall, genius. It'd be a lot easier.  
  
HIEI: O_O ... -_- I feel stupid now, thank you.  
  
SHADOW: You're welcome.  
  
HIEI: _  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ MOVE FORWARD! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHAPITER NYNE  
"Switzerland!"  
  
SHADOW: KURAMA'S LOST HIS MIND!!!  
  
YUSUKE: HIT THE DIRT!!!  
  
*Shadow and Yusuke dive to the ground and cover their heads*  
  
KURAMA: *holding a paintball gun* Huh? Idiots... I'm not going to SHOOT you!  
  
SHADOW: He's trying to fool us with reverse psychology! Stay down!  
  
KURAMA: *shoots a splatter of paint and it explodes on the ground right beside Shadow's head* Get up!  
  
SHADOW: OH MY GOD!! HE'S TRYING--- What the... Paint?  
  
HIEI: Yes, genius. It's a paintball gun.  
  
SHADOW: *jumps up, pointing at Kurama* YOU SCARED THE HECK OUT OF ME! HOW DARE YOU?  
  
KURAMA: I dare. Anywho, as I was saying, there is one solution to this. Paintball war! Once Kuwabara regains consciousness, we are going to have a paintball war.  
  
HIEI: And what good will that do? We'll shoot the hell out of each other, then when we're done, they'll go back to trying to blackmail us...  
  
KURAMA: No. Okay, you all shoot the crap out of each other, and when you, er, I mean, whenever one team wins, that will prove that you... er... ~they~ are better than the others, and so that if the others keep blackmailing you... er... ~them~, you... I mean... ~the better team~ will kick the blackmailing losers' butts!  
  
YUSUKE: *jumps up* THAT SHRIMP IS NOT BETTER THAN ME!  
  
HIEI: That's a matter of opinion, Yusuke.  
  
YUSUKE: HEY!  
  
SHADOW: It's debatable. Now get that dolt awake so that we can kick your butts.  
  
KURAMA: I'm ref. Remember? I'm neutral.  
  
SHADOW: See, neutral people do have a use after all!  
  
HIEI: Switzerland!  
  
SHADOW: What?  
  
HIEI: Kurama is Switzerland. He's neutral.  
  
SHADOW: That's nice.  
  
HIEI: Isn't it though?  
  
SHADOW: Not really.  
  
HIEI: Whatever.  
  
^~^~^meanwhile, off to the side on the sidewalk^~^~^  
  
KURAMA: *slapping Kuwabara in his bloody, cut-to-pieces-by-bloodthirsty-man- eating-roses face* Wake up, you dolt! You haven't got the time to be laying around bleeding to death! You have to wage war against those two pyromaniacs over there! *points to Shadow and Hiei, who are still standing in the middle of the road, arguing about Switzerland*  
  
^~^~^Meanwhile, back with Shadow and Hiei in the middle of the road^~^~^  
  
HIEI: What are people from Switzerland called, anywho?  
  
SHADOW: Swedish ... Do they have armadillos in Switzerland?  
  
HIEI: How do you expect me to know?  
  
SHADOW: I think armadillos only live in Africa... or Australia or something... Are there any deserts in Switzerland?  
  
HIEI: I don't know! Isn't Switzerland some place famous for skiing?  
  
SHADOW: Swedish fish come from there.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: Those little red gummy fish. They're called Swedish fish. They're from Switzerland, right?  
  
HIEI: Somehow I doubt it.  
  
SHADOW: Why?  
  
*Those two, with their sudden obsession with Switzerland, don't notice the mack truck headed towards them*  
  
HIEI: Because...  
  
SHADOW: Maybe Switzerland people are called Swiss. That makes more sense, doesn't it? Cuz there aren't any d's in Switzerland.  
  
HIEI: Yes there is, idiot! The very last letter!  
  
SHADOW: That doesn't count! Cuz Swiss cheese might be from Switzerland if they're called swiss when they're from Switzerland...  
  
HIEI: Your BRAIN is made out of Swiss cheese.  
  
SHADOW: What?  
  
HIEI: Full of holes.  
  
SHADOW: Oh... *pause* Wait! Hey! That's an insult!  
  
HIEI: Delayed reaction...  
  
*by now, the mack truck is merely 50 feet down the road*  
  
MACK TRUCK: HONK HONK!!!  
  
HIEI & SHADOW: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*Shadow and Hiei are both slammed into the front of the truck and sent spinning. Shadow keeps flying while Hiei gains control and does a few flips before landing in a crouch position and sliding back ten feet, still in the path of the truck when he finally comes to a stop on one knee*  
  
HIEI: EEP!  
  
*He stays down on one knee and the truck goes right over top of him*  
  
HIEI: *sigh of relief* Wait... *looks around* Where's Shadow?  
  
SHADOW: OOF!!! *hits the ground about 50 feet ahead of the truck and stands up instantly*  
  
TRUCK BRAKES: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
SHADOW: HOLY HELL!!!  
  
*the truck swerves to miss Shadow. She ducks as the truck does a full 180 turn and the back trailer thing spins over top of her. The truck tips over and bursts into flames for some reason. The angry truck driver jumps out runs a few feet away to safely watch his truck burn*  
  
ANGRY TRUCK DRIVER: My truck! My truck! You blew up my truck!  
  
HIEI: *calmly walks up with his hands in his pockets* Did not. What were you hauling, anyway?  
  
ANGRY TRUCK DRIVER: VALUABLE STUFF!!!  
  
HIEI: WHAT?! *vanishes into the fire*  
  
ANGRY TRUCK DRIVER: WHAT ARE YOU, SUICIDAL? *turns to Shadow* Is he suicidal? Are YOU suicidal? Why in the name of everything stupid in this world were you two standing in the middle of the road? And what's his problem? *point to Kurama*  
  
KURAMA: *crawling around on the ground* My eyes! My eyes! Where are my eyes?!  
  
SHADOW: I... uh... his eyes popped out, apparently...  
  
KURAMA: THERE'S ONE! *picks a white blob off the ground and pops it back into it's socket* I can SEE!!! *'Hallelujah' plays in the background*  
  
SHADOW: Ah-ha! *picks up another white blob and shows it to the truck driver* See, his eyes popped out. Kurama! Catch! *throws it at Kurama*  
  
KURAMA: MY EYE!!! *catches it* Oh! It's got something stuck on it!  
  
SHADOW: Pick it off!  
  
KURAMA: Eew! It's gum!  
  
*By this point, the truck driver is having fits on the ground, twitching and throwing up on himself*  
  
HIEI: *walks out of the fire, carrying a huge safe. His shirt is mostly burned off and what's left of it is still in flames* Let's see what's in this! *looks at Kurama* What in the name of everything... What is his problem!?  
  
SHADOW: *calmly* His eyes popped out.  
  
HIEI: *looks freaked out* Okee Dokee then...  
  
KURAMA: Yay! *pops in his eye* It's CLEAN! I can SEE!! *'Hallelujah' plays really loud for a second before there's a loud crack, the music stops, and somebody is heard cursing rather loudly*  
  
HIEI: I could use some help!!! *trying desperatly to pry open the safe with a crowbar*  
  
SHADOW: *glances at him* Well... *squeals* CROWBAR!!!  
  
HIEI: *looks at the crowbar* Oh... CARP!!! Er... I mean... CRAP!!!  
  
SHADOW: *tackles Hiei* CROWBAR!!!  
  
HIEI: OOF!  
  
TRUCK DRIVER: *finally not having fits anymore* My safe! You cannot open it! It's not... uh... safe! It's very dangerous! The contents are deadly! They're a top secret government project! You cannot see-- OOF! ACK! EEK! OW! SHOOT! HELP! AH! OW! OOF! Aaggghhhhh... *falls over*  
  
SHADOW: *proudly holding the crowbar she just used to maul the truck driver* That just makes us want to see it even more.  
  
TRUCK DRIVER: Noooo... *passes out*  
  
HIEI: Okay, just open the safe, Shadow.  
  
SHADOW: OKee Day! *starts beating the heck out of the safe with the crowbar*  
  
HIEI: Little good that's gonna do... *Shadow spins a full 360, purposely slamming Hiei in the head on her way around* OW!!!  
  
SHADOW: *the door falls off the safe, finally* IT'S OPEN!!!  
  
KURAMA: DON'T TOUCH IT!!! *runs over, blocking the view of what's in the safe, and runs away a second later. Once he leaves, the safe is empty*  
  
HIEI: What is it? Hey, you stupid fox! Get yer #*&$ing fox butt back here! HEY!!!  
  
KURAMA: YOU CAN'T SEE IT! YOU'LL DIE!!! *glances at whatever he stole out of the safe*  
  
HIEI: What is it? Money?  
  
KURAMA: No.  
  
HIEI: Some secret deadly weapon?  
  
KURAMA: *glances at it* Huh-uh.  
  
SHADOW: Cheese?  
  
KURAMA: No.  
  
HIEI: A gun?  
  
KURAMA: No.  
  
SHADOW: An armadillo?  
  
KURAMA: *glances at it again* Nnnmmm.... Uh....  
  
SHADOW: AN ARMADILLO? YOU CAN'T HONESTLY TELL ME IT'S AN ARMADILLO?  
  
KURAMA: No. It's not.  
  
SHADOW: Phew. I thought it was.  
  
HIEI: What is it?  
  
KURAMA: Nothing.  
  
SHADOW: How much is it worth?  
  
KURAMA: Uh... Not much.  
  
*Suddenly, Hiei tackles Kurama and they roll around growling at each other for a second before Hiei finally grabs the secret item. He jumps up, proudly holding...*  
  
HIEI: WHAT THE *(%& IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING *%)ING WRONG IN THIS WORLD? WHY THE *^$% WOULD THERE BE A ^&%#ING BOX OF FAKE DOG CRAP IN A SAFE??? AND WHY THE )^%& WOULD YOU HIDE IT FROM US, YOU )*^$ING FOX???  
  
KURAMA: *rolling on the ground laughing*  
  
HIEI: AND WHY THE #&%^ WOULD THAT TRUCK DRIVER TELL US IT'S VALUABLE?!  
  
SHADOW: *louder than any of them* STOP SAYING *&^%, YOU BAKA FIRE DEMON!  
  
HIEI: DON'T CALL ME A BAKA, YOU LOUSY CHILD!!! *throws fake dog crap at her*  
  
SHADOW: YOU THROW ANY MORE FAKE DOG CRAP AT ME AND I'LL MAUL YOU 'TIL EVEN ~I~ DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU!  
  
HIEI: Ooh, scary. *throws more fake dog crap at her*  
  
SHADOW: OH, THAT'S IT, USELESS BOY!!! *makes a flying leap and tackles Hiei, and they start strangling each other*  
  
YUSUKE: KURAMA! KUWABARA'S AWAKE!!!  
  
KURAMA: *laying on the ground with a huge smile on his face*  
  
YUSUKE: Kurama? What the *)^% happened?  
  
KURAMA: A lot. But to make it short, Shadow and Hiei got hit by a truck that was hauling fake dog crap, and now they are killing each other.  
  
SHADOW: Hey wait a second! This fake crap has gold inside it! WE'RE RICH!!!  
  
HIEI: What?! Cool!!  
  
KUWABARA: What's going on? Ow! I'm in pain!  
  
YUSUKE: That's understandable. Hiei threw you off the roof and you landed on those evil man eating roses.  
  
KUWABARA: WHAT? Oh, that's it! *runs over and attempts to maul Hiei, but he dodges, despite the fact that he was being sat on by a gold-crazed, fake- dog-crap-ripping-apart Shadow. Shadow dodges too, since Kuwabara is so slow*  
  
HIEI: You do realize... This means war.  
  
SHADOW: Now Hiei. I know Bugs Bunny is your favorite TV show, but you don't need to go around quoting him...  
  
HIEI: WHAT? THAT STUPID RABBIT IS NOT MY FAVORITE TV SHOW!  
  
SHADOW: *gets an evil smile* That's right. You like to watch Barney.  
  
HIEI: SHADOW, YOU #%*&-ING *%&#^, I DO NOT!!!  
  
SHADOW: Then you sit around reading Playboy magazines.  
  
HIEI: *snorts* That's better than Barney.  
  
SHADOW: Perv.  
  
HIEI: Am not! I prefer to kill people. I don't read and I don't watch TV.  
  
SHADOW: Liar.  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: I remember once you were watching some stupid love story movie or something, and you were crying over it.  
  
HIEI: *turns red* WAS NOT!!!  
  
SHADOW: You watched the Titanic once.  
  
HIEI: Now that movie was just gay.  
  
SHADOW: Then you should have loved it.  
  
HIEI: *smoke starts shooting out his ears* SHADOW!!!  
  
SHADOW: ^_^ Or how about the tiem you were reading--- OOF!!! *slams into the pavement with a crazy fire demon on top of her with his hand over her mouth*  
  
HIEI: SHUT UP, YOU STUPID GIRL! YOU TALK WAY TO MUCH, AND SOME DAY, YOU'RE GONNA TICK OFF THE ~WRONG~ PERSON, AND HE'S GONNA KICK YOUR HEAD IN!!!  
  
SHADOW: *attempts to say something, but Hiei's hand is still clamped over her mouth* Hmph. *gets a look in her eyes that Hiei doesn't like and a second later...*  
  
HIEI: EW, GOD!!! SICK!!! YUCK!!! *leaps up, wiping his hand on his pants* I NEED DISINFECTANT! BLEACH! YUCK! SHE LICKED MY HAND! YUCK!!!  
  
SHADOW: *laughing*  
  
HIEI: *runs back down the street to Shadow's house, goes inside, gets a bucket, fills it full of antibacterial soap, and soaks his hand in it* Yuck yuck ew ew nasty gross sick.  
  
SHADOW: *laughing insanely*  
  
KURAMA: At this rate, we'll never get around to Paintball war...  
  
YUSUKE: Paintball war! I forgot all about it! Let's go! Shadow, get Hiei!  
  
SHADOW: Okee dokee!!! *runs down the street to her house, and comes back a few minutes later half-dragging Hiei by he wrist*  
  
YUSUKE: ON TO PAINTBALL WAR!!!  
  
KURAMA: Rules!!! I have the guns. You can go anywhere, so long as you don't go inside any buildings. You can go into the middle of the city, or into the forest, or anywhere. I'm ref, okay? And when Hiei... er... ~somebody~ wins, you guys better remember it next time you want to blackmail anyone. Now, we start in half an hour, giving you time to do whatever to prepare. Meet at Shadow's house. Go.  
  
*They all run off, with Hiei, Kurama, and Shadow going back to Shadow's house, and Yusuke and Kuwabara going toward the city*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Next chapter- the paintball war begins! I bet you can't wait!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: Here goes... *kicks the wall. He bounces back and falls on top of Shadow*  
  
SHADOW: Oof!  
  
HIEI: I told you! It's rubber! You can't blow up rubber with a kick like you can cement bricks or concrete blocks!  
  
SHADOW: Then why were you so mad when I thought of kicking it? You said you felt stupid for not thinking of it, so obviously you thought it would work!  
  
HIEI: Well, I gained a few brain cells and realized it wouldn't!  
  
SHADOW: *mutters something under her breath*  
  
HIEI: What?  
  
SHADOW: Nothing. Could you get off of me? 


	10. Paintball War: The finale

Yay! Chapter ten! I hope you've enjoyed the story so far. You better have, cuz if you haven't, you shall be kicked... Just kidding. I wouldn't abuse a faithful reader!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: How about we blow it up?  
  
SHADOW: What with?  
  
HIEI: Kokoryuu-haa.  
  
SHADOW: That dragon thing?  
  
HIEI: That dragon thing? *rolls eyes* Yes, that dragon thing!  
  
SHADOW: You mean, like, where you shoot that big black dragon out of your arm?  
  
HIEI: *rolls eyes again* Yes, Shadow, it's like where I shoot the big black dragon out of my arm.  
  
SHADOW: Would that work?  
  
HIEI: O_O Yes, I think it would. It's not like rubber can deflect the black dragon...  
  
SHADOW: It deflected your mighty kick just fine, remember?  
  
HIEI: *turns red* That-- ...Shut up. Rubber can't effect the Kokoryuu-haa.  
  
~i~w~a~n~t~b~l~o~o~d~ Subliminal messages! ~j~u~s~t~k~i~d~d~i~n~g~  
  
CHAPITER TEHNN  
PAINTBALL WAR!!!  
  
*Shadow and Hiei stood in the middle of the city, both of them wearing pure black outfits. Black leather gloves, almost-knee-high black boots... Hiei had a black cloak and Shadow had a black trench coat (of course, they either had more than one of these or it was old and semi-worn out). They were standing on either side of a lamppost so their shoulders were together. They had sunglasses on to protect their eyes, being as running around in the city wearing paintball masks makes you very conspicuous. Not like holding huge guns doesn't, but that's beyond the point*  
  
SHADOW: Do you see them?  
  
HIEI: No. Do you?  
  
SHADOW: Huh-uh. What about Kurama?  
  
HIEI: He's over there. *nods to where Kurama is standing by the only tree in the entire city square*  
  
SHADOW: Okay... Wait! There! *aims her gun and shoots. Kuwabara lets out a loud screech as the paintball splatters on his face*  
  
HIEI: Good shot!  
  
YUSUKE: I WOULDN'T CELEBRATE YET, YOU FREAKS!!! *shoots at Hiei and Shadow. A splatter of white paint hits the post between the two fire demons*  
  
SHADOW: YOU MIS--- GAH!!! *takes off running and another splatter of paint hits the ground, going right through where her face had just been*  
  
PEOPLE IN THE CROWD: OH MY GOD!!! PANIC!!!  
  
HIEI: THAT'S RIGHT EVERYONE! DON'T STAY CALM! EVERYONE PANIC!!!  
  
*The crowd does exactly that, making it easier for Shadow and Hiei to vanish. They dart down the street, through the crowd of panicking people, towards the forest outside the city*  
  
YUSUKE: *in the background* FOLLOW THEM, KUWABARA!!! Kuwabara?! AH!  
  
HIEI: *laughs* Well, that's always intelligent.  
  
*Shadow and Hiei make it to the forest near their house and hide, waiting for Yusuke or Kuwabara to come nearby and get their faces plastered with black paint*  
  
*^*A few minutes later*^*  
  
YUSUKE: *walking through the forest with a half-blinded Kuwabara behind him* Now... We are going to kill those lousy pyromaniacs if it's the last thing we do.  
  
HIEI: *completely hidden* Don't worry. It will be. *leaps out and starts shooting at Yusuke*  
  
YUSUKE: OW! THAT'S IT!!!  
  
*Hiei and Yusuke start having an insane shooting frenzy*  
  
YUSUKE'S GUN: Click click click.  
  
HIEI: Muwahahaha!!! Your gun is empty, loser! And guess what?  
  
HIEI'S GUN: Click click... Click click click...  
  
HIEI: *curses under his breath* Mine is too.  
  
YUSUKE: HYA!!! *leaps at Hiei and brings hsi gun down to hit him in the head. Hiei blocks with his gun and they're gun-locked. kInda like in a sword fight, only this is with guns*  
  
HIEI: I... will... not... EEP!!! *practically falls over backwards when Yusuke shoves him*  
  
YUSUKE: Who's the loser now, shorty?  
  
HIEI: YOU! *shoves Yusuke back so he almost falls over*  
  
YUSUKE: Loser! *aims to kick Hiei in the groin but misses as Hiei notices, but it gives Yusuke a great advantage because it broke Hiei's ocncentration for a minute*  
  
HIEI: *on one knee* Fine... One dirty trick trades fairly for another. *hocks a loogie at Yusuke, and since the dolt wasn't wearing a face mask or eye guards of any kind, the spit goes right in Yusuke's eye.*  
  
SHADOW: HIEI, THAT WAS DISGUSTING!!!  
  
HIEI: Hey, if you'd been in my position, you would have to!  
  
SHADOW: True, but I'm not in your position, so it was DISGUSTING!!!  
  
YUSUKE: I'M BLIND!!! DEMON SPIT!!! IT BURNS!!! IT BURRRNNNNSSSS!!!  
  
HIEI: Heh. Shadow, gimme your gun.  
  
SHADOW: *shrugs and hands her paintball gun to Hiei*  
  
HIEI: LOSER!!! *drowns Yusuke in black paint*  
  
YUSUKE: Noo... *passes out on the ground*  
  
SHADOW: One down! One to go!  
  
HIEI: And no ammo.  
  
SHADOW: What!?  
  
KUWABARA: HA, YOU LOSE NOW, SHORTY!!! I can't believe this. I'm actually finally going to beat Hiei at something! I should get this on camera...  
  
SHADOW: I'm on it! *runs home and is back in less than 5 minutes with her camera* I'll get behind you so the lens doesn't get painted...  
  
HIEI: Go.  
  
KUWABARA: MUWAHAHAHA!!! *shoots at Hiei*  
  
HIEI: *dodges every shot* Shadow, are you getting this?  
  
SHADOW: Yes I am!!!  
  
KUWABARA: Come back here and fight me like a man, you coward!  
  
HIEI: Okay, fine! *comes shooting out of a tree and slams Kuwabara in the head with Shadow's gun*  
  
KUWABARA: OH MY GOD!!! THAT HURT!!! YOU CHEATER!!! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!  
  
HIEI: Oh, and fighting somebody who hasn't got a loaded gun ~is~ fair?  
  
KUWABARA: It is when it's you without the gun and me with the gun!  
  
HIEI: Pfft. Now, should I win really quick, or should I let you make even more of a fool of yourself on tape?  
  
KUWABARA: On tape!?  
  
SHADOW: *waves* Remember me, Kuwabara?! Your friendly neighborhood video camera girl!!!  
  
KUWABARA: OH MY GOD!!! How do I look?  
  
*Everybody gets sweatdrops and falls over*  
  
SHADOW: *Sets up her camera on a tripod and starts acting like a game show host telling about a prize you can win* Kuwabara, you look horrible. But Hiei can fix that! Show the audience how you can fix his face, Hiei!  
  
HIEI: *decides to play along with Shadow* Well. First, I can hit him in the face with the handle of this gun here! *hits him in the face*  
  
KUWABARA: Ow! *spins around 360 degrees and almost falls, but Hiei catches him*  
  
HIEI: That was just a practice shot. Let's see... I could always... KICK HIM!!! *kicks Kuwabara in the groin*  
  
KUWABARA: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *falls to his knees*  
  
HIEI: Aw, don't be a sissy, you sissy! Get up and take your makeover like a man! *punches him*  
  
KUWABARA: AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
HIEI: Peh. You're not much of a man. Any normal, decent, honorable man like me would take a makeover like... Well, I'll demonstrate! Let's say you're trying to give me a makeover, Kuwabara.  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: OKay, ready?  
  
KUWABARA: NOOOO!!!  
  
HIEI: Good! Start... now! *starts pounding Kuwabara's face in* YOU TRY TO GIVE ME A MAKEOVER, HUH? WELL YOU'RE GONNA BE SO DEAD BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH YOU THAT YOU'LL BE... UH... VERY DEAD!!! YEAH! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! HOW ABOUT THIS ONE!? *at every 'that' or 'this', Hiei punched or kicked Kuwabara*  
  
*^*Five minutes later*^*  
  
SHADOW: *zooms the camera in on Kuwabara's mangled, uncosncious face* And that, everybody, is what you look like if you're really ugly and you get a makeover by Hiei Jaganshi!  
  
KURAMA: Well, you two have almost no paint on you, and Kuwabara and Yusuke are mauled and completely painted black on the ground, so you are obviously the winners! Congratulations.  
  
SHADOW: OH YEAH! I AM GOD!  
  
HIEI: No, you are a Goddess, if anything. ~I~ am God.  
  
SHADOW: Pah! As if!  
  
HIEI: Goddesses are female. Gods are male. I'm male, you're female, therefore...  
  
SHADOW: I AM GODDESS OF PAINTBALL!!!  
  
HIEI: I AM GOD OF PAINTBALL!!!  
  
KURAMA: DIETY COMPLEX!!! DIETY COMPLEX!!! AAAHHHH!!!  
  
SHADOW: Huh?  
  
KURAMA: It's when you think you're a God or Goddess when you aren't.  
  
SHADOW: But I am!  
  
KURAMA: -_- *sweatdrop* Let's get these two dead people to the hospital or something, cuz I'm not messing around with mauled people and plant potions right now. I'm tired. *grabs Kuwabara's wrist and drags him away through the forest. Yes, drags.*  
  
SHADOW: Ok! *follows Kurama without even bothering to get Yusuke*  
  
HIEI: What? Hey! You... Aaahhhh... *grabs Yusuke's wrist and follows Shadow*  
  
**~** A few hours later **~**  
  
*Yusuke and Kuwabara are at the hospital. Kurama, Hiei, and Shadow have already watched Kuwabara's "makeover" again, and are now all sitting on the couch, half asleep and leaning on each other's shoulders*  
  
SHADOW: *looking through a photo album* Squeal!  
  
HIEI: Squeal?  
  
SHADOW: Yeah. Sometimes I get so excited that I can either say squeal, or I can actually squeal. Since you're all half asleep, I know that if I squealed, then I would have my heart ripped out...  
  
HIEI: Good thinking.  
  
SHADOW: And shoved down my throat...  
  
KURAMA: Yes, keep going...  
  
SHADOW: Through my nose.  
  
HIEI: What!?  
  
SHADOW: You heard me. You'd rip out my heart and feed it to my through my nose.  
  
KURAMA: Yech.  
  
SHADOW: Anyway, back to squeal.  
  
HIEI: Yeah, what's so... "squeal"?  
  
SHADOW: I present to you... *jumps up*  
  
HIEI: Hey! *falls over so fast (his pillow had been Shadow's shoulder) that his head ends up on Kurama's lap*  
  
KURAMA: WHAT THE %^&$?!  
  
*Both of them scream bloody murder. Kurama hides behind Shadow. He notices her video camera in her hand*  
  
HIEI: Shadow, where do you keep that camera that you can always have it wherever we are?  
  
SHADOW: Somewhere that you aren't getting it! *tucks the camera inside her coat*  
  
HIEI: *mutters something under his breath*  
  
SHADOW: ANYWAY!!! Kurama, Hiei was not being a gay pervert or anything. He fell over.  
  
KURAMA: *under his breath* Convenient excuse...  
  
HIEI: I HEARD THAT, FOX BOY! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KICK YOUR HEAD IN!!!  
  
KURAMA: *rolls his eyes and sits down on the couch*  
  
SHADOW: NOW! I present to you... THE ULTIMATE BLACKMAIL!!! *she pulls a picture from her inside coat pocket and waves it in front of Hiei*  
  
HIEI: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!  
  
*The picture is of Hiei dressed in all white with angel wings and a halo. Really quite kawaii... What?! Anyway... Hiei flips out at seeing this and tries to tackle Shadow, but she dodges. Kurama is rolling on the floor laughing*  
  
HIEI: GIVE ME THAT!!!  
  
SHADOW: NO WAY!!! *tucks the picture in her inside coat pocket*  
  
HIEI: I WANT THAT PICTURE!!! MUST BURN... *tackles Shadow*  
  
SHADOW: Oof!  
  
HIEI: Gotcha... Now. *puts one knee on each of Shadow's arms* Picture... *ignoring Shadow's screeches, he reaches in her inside coat pocket. It just so happens that now Kurama recovers.*  
  
KURAMA: *stands up and sees Hiei and Shadow* O_O Hiei... You have NO idea how wrong that looks.  
  
HIEI: What? *stares at his hand inside Shadow's coat*  
  
SHADOW: *waving her arms around the best she can* PERVERT! GET OUT! OUT! KURAMA, HE'S SEXUALLY HARASSING ME!!!  
  
KURAMA & HIEI: O_O  
  
SHADOW: HELP ME!!!  
  
HIEI: GOT IT! *pulls the picture out of her pocket and runs away*  
  
SHADOW: GET BACK HERE, LOSER!!! *takes off after him*  
  
KURAMA: Well, as you can see, blackmail never stops. Especially when it's among friends... The lesson of this story is... If you start blackmailing your friends, that does not mean you will get to kiss Hiei, or have Hiei reach inside your coat for a picture, so you'd be best off not blackmailing your friends. *pause* Stick to blackmailing your enemies.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oh my God, it's finally over! Thanks for sticking with me through all 90- something pages and tehnn chapiters!!! You know, SHadow and Hiei haven't quite solved the loony bin problem... Yet...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HIEI: Here goes... *he starts powering up just as a doctor walks into the room*  
  
DOCTOR: Oh my god... I think I've been inhaling this place's fumes too long... He's glowing purple... and... He has... Three eyes. Oh my god... *runs away screaming*  
  
SHADOW: HIEI, WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR YOUR STUPID SUSPENSEFUL POWER-UPS!!! JUST SHOOT THE STUPID DRAGON ALREADY!!!  
  
HIEI: DON'T DISS THE DRAGON, SHADOW! THE DRAGON IS GOD!!!  
  
SHADOW: *rolls her eyes* Diety complex...  
  
*About 100 doctors were attracted to Shadow and Hiei's room by the first doctor's insane screams about three-eyed, glowing purple men...*  
  
DOCTOR #3: HE REALLY ~IS~ GLOWING PURPLE!!!  
  
SHADOW: HIEI!!! SUSPENSEFUL POWER-UPS! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SUSPENSEFUL POWER-UPS?!  
  
HIEI: You said we don't need them... Kokoryuu-HAA!!! *the dragon comes exploding out of his arm and through the walls, leaving a giant hole through the walls to the outside*  
  
DOCTOR #13: THEY'RE ESCAPING!!!  
  
SHADOW: RUN!!!  
  
*Hiei and Shadow make a mad dash out the door... or... rather... uh... wall... and vanish*  
  
DOCTOR #23: Where'd they go?  
  
DOCTOR #33: Poof. That's where they went. They went poof.  
  
**~** Back at Shadow's house half an hour later **~**  
  
SHADOW: *breathing hard* I have never run that much in my life, and let's hope I never have to again...  
  
HIEI: Peh. Weakling.  
  
SHADOW: SHUT YOUR TRAP, LOSER!!!  
  
HIEI: *rolls his eyes and walks inside. Shadow follows*  
  
**~** Back at the Loony bin **~**  
  
DOCTOR #43: Oh well. It's not like we really lost anything. They weren't really insane in the first place. 


End file.
